Friday the Juneteenth
Pandemic, protest, fire and flood, what's next? a weary nation wonders.
Pirates, says the Office of Naval Intelligence, terrorizing ships and oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico. Didn't see that coming, did you? No, because that's how pirates operate, they creep right up and board you and make you walk the plank. Well, no plank-walking has been reported but I'm sure it's right around the corner. Everything is right around the corner.
The Trump Tulsa Terrordome will open its doors tomorrow and it should be a good one, complete with marching bands, sword swallowers and petomanes. The Petomane-In-Chief has had months to store up rage and narcissism, so expect it all to spew forth. Trump is already issuing threats against anyone who plans to protest, knowing that others will have to take all the risks. He's still mad at the NFL but says the season will go on, because "Tony Fauci" is not the boss of football. And because the short-fingered vulgarian can't let anything go, now he wants to prosecute whoever revealed that he cowered in his bunker to avoid the scary people with the signs. Barron and the First Escort helped him "inspect" the place, and besides, it was Barr's idea, and the George Floyd protests were exactly like 9/11 when people were flying planes into buildings, Kennedy probably hid in the bunker during the Cuban missile crisis, they just didn't show it in the movie. And in conclusion, bone spurs.
"Fox is terrible!" Petomane tweeted just hours ago, and yes, he meant Fox News, not Vivica A. Fox or the studio where Alice Faye made musicals. Fox News released a poll showing Joe Biden beating his ass 50-38. Bad Fox News! Like soccer, football and driving in circles, Fox News has lost a very important viewer. Whoever Fox News sends to Tulsa tomorrow night can expect to be mobbed and assaulted like all the other enemies of the people. Do better polls! Or else!
Also in Twitterese, he's pretending that the ass the Supreme Court handed him yesterday belongs to someone else: "The Supreme Court asked us to re-submit on DACA, nothing was lost or won. They 'punted', much like in a football game (where hopefully they would stand for our great American Flag)." See what he did there? Started with one sore and wound up by picking a completely different sore, already practicing his free-associative psychosis for Tulsa. Next page, sure enough, it's all the fault of the Democrats. Lock her up! Kenyan Muslim! Rosie O'Donnell! Where did that come from?
The Wall Street Journal, bless its heart, tried to siphon off some of the madness yesterday by letting Petomane pretend he was giving an exclusive interview to Michael Bender. (It should be called the Paywall Street Journal but the choicest bits are here.) Why was the White Power rally re-scheduled? "I did that out of respect because I had two African American friends and supporters...I made it famous. I made Juneteenth very famous...Nobody had heard of it. Very few people had heard of it." He means very few white people, of course. Official people who don't have to shout that their lives matter. It's been a legal holiday in Texas for forty years. Ralph Ellison's posthumous novel is called Juneteenth. "The Trump White House put out a statement [last year]? Oh, OK, good." Whatever. It sounds like his two African American friends were otherwise engaged so he asked a Secret Service agent. ("You're black, you ever hear of this June holiday thing? Is it for my birthday?') It's true: Before Trump you couldn't say "Merry Juneteenth."
Bender moved on to the Bible stunt, which even Pat Robertson thought was too much. "I walked a long distance away. It's like a three block walk." It's the farthest he has walked since the National Cathedral wouldn't let him use a golf cart for Bush's funeral, that aisle is the longest aisle of any church in the world, OK? Of course he was too winded to go inside, he could barely hold up that very long Bible, it's over a thousand pages long. Fortunately there has never been a healthier person in the White House, and the car was there to take him home. And then it was the goddam ramp again, which has now taken on the properties of an Olympic ski run. The ramp was slippery, his shoes were slippery, he'd be happy to show Bender how slippery they are, it's a miracle he and the general didn't die. "If you would have seen this ramp, it was like an ice skating rink." Because in June it's still frozen over in upstate New York. He didn't mention the lifts in his shoes, and Bender didn't ask.
John Bolton a "hard liner"? Trump calls him "a stupid liner." Isn't that funny? Bolton is wrong about how Trump approved of Xi putting Uighurs in concentration camps, he was always against it. He approved "a reprimand, etc., etc." from Congress. He signed it. You signed it today, said Bender, suddenly remembering that he's supposed to be a journalist. Anyway, it was signed. So no more concentration camps and China will buy all the soybeans and wheat, even though he blamed them in the same interview for the coronavirus.
Call this a tale of two cities: After Rayshard Brooks was shot in the back, the officer who shot him was fired, the police chief resigned, and the shooter and his partner have now been charged with crimes. Apart from one fire -- the restaurant that called police -- Atlanta has seen peaceful protests but no violence. It took less than a week.
Three months after he fired ten shots at Breonna Taylor (some of the bullets penetrating the apartment next door), Brett Hankinson has been "released" by the Louisville metro police. So far, that's all.
The Los Angeles sheriff's department has also been busy: They shot a security guard named Andres Guardado because they thought he had a gun. The day before they shot Terron Jammal Boone, whose half-brother Robert Fuller was found hanging from a tree in Palmdale. Both are dead.
There has never been a distinction between the Trump campaign and the Trump "administration" -- Bolton's book only reminds us of this -- and now there's a memo from the Homeland Security department suggesting that the red triangle worn by Hitler's political prisoners be consciously and deliberately associated with "Antifa," by which they mean any opposition to Trump. In case you thought there was any part of the federal government not corrupted by these gangsters.
I don't do social media but I understand Twitter has a policy against sharing "deceptively altered" videos. And apparently Trump violated it with two crudely doctored manipulations of CNN, which he hates more than most media. Michael Bender might have asked him about calling reporters "scumbags" and wishing he could jail or kill them for not revealing sources. Like the sneak who tattled about the bunker! Bender needs a fedora with a press pass in the hatband, to remind him next time.
Pirates, says the Office of Naval Intelligence, terrorizing ships and oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico. Didn't see that coming, did you? No, because that's how pirates operate, they creep right up and board you and make you walk the plank. Well, no plank-walking has been reported but I'm sure it's right around the corner. Everything is right around the corner.
The Trump Tulsa Terrordome will open its doors tomorrow and it should be a good one, complete with marching bands, sword swallowers and petomanes. The Petomane-In-Chief has had months to store up rage and narcissism, so expect it all to spew forth. Trump is already issuing threats against anyone who plans to protest, knowing that others will have to take all the risks. He's still mad at the NFL but says the season will go on, because "Tony Fauci" is not the boss of football. And because the short-fingered vulgarian can't let anything go, now he wants to prosecute whoever revealed that he cowered in his bunker to avoid the scary people with the signs. Barron and the First Escort helped him "inspect" the place, and besides, it was Barr's idea, and the George Floyd protests were exactly like 9/11 when people were flying planes into buildings, Kennedy probably hid in the bunker during the Cuban missile crisis, they just didn't show it in the movie. And in conclusion, bone spurs.
"Fox is terrible!" Petomane tweeted just hours ago, and yes, he meant Fox News, not Vivica A. Fox or the studio where Alice Faye made musicals. Fox News released a poll showing Joe Biden beating his ass 50-38. Bad Fox News! Like soccer, football and driving in circles, Fox News has lost a very important viewer. Whoever Fox News sends to Tulsa tomorrow night can expect to be mobbed and assaulted like all the other enemies of the people. Do better polls! Or else!
Also in Twitterese, he's pretending that the ass the Supreme Court handed him yesterday belongs to someone else: "The Supreme Court asked us to re-submit on DACA, nothing was lost or won. They 'punted', much like in a football game (where hopefully they would stand for our great American Flag)." See what he did there? Started with one sore and wound up by picking a completely different sore, already practicing his free-associative psychosis for Tulsa. Next page, sure enough, it's all the fault of the Democrats. Lock her up! Kenyan Muslim! Rosie O'Donnell! Where did that come from?
The Wall Street Journal, bless its heart, tried to siphon off some of the madness yesterday by letting Petomane pretend he was giving an exclusive interview to Michael Bender. (It should be called the Paywall Street Journal but the choicest bits are here.) Why was the White Power rally re-scheduled? "I did that out of respect because I had two African American friends and supporters...I made it famous. I made Juneteenth very famous...Nobody had heard of it. Very few people had heard of it." He means very few white people, of course. Official people who don't have to shout that their lives matter. It's been a legal holiday in Texas for forty years. Ralph Ellison's posthumous novel is called Juneteenth. "The Trump White House put out a statement [last year]? Oh, OK, good." Whatever. It sounds like his two African American friends were otherwise engaged so he asked a Secret Service agent. ("You're black, you ever hear of this June holiday thing? Is it for my birthday?') It's true: Before Trump you couldn't say "Merry Juneteenth."
Bender moved on to the Bible stunt, which even Pat Robertson thought was too much. "I walked a long distance away. It's like a three block walk." It's the farthest he has walked since the National Cathedral wouldn't let him use a golf cart for Bush's funeral, that aisle is the longest aisle of any church in the world, OK? Of course he was too winded to go inside, he could barely hold up that very long Bible, it's over a thousand pages long. Fortunately there has never been a healthier person in the White House, and the car was there to take him home. And then it was the goddam ramp again, which has now taken on the properties of an Olympic ski run. The ramp was slippery, his shoes were slippery, he'd be happy to show Bender how slippery they are, it's a miracle he and the general didn't die. "If you would have seen this ramp, it was like an ice skating rink." Because in June it's still frozen over in upstate New York. He didn't mention the lifts in his shoes, and Bender didn't ask.
John Bolton a "hard liner"? Trump calls him "a stupid liner." Isn't that funny? Bolton is wrong about how Trump approved of Xi putting Uighurs in concentration camps, he was always against it. He approved "a reprimand, etc., etc." from Congress. He signed it. You signed it today, said Bender, suddenly remembering that he's supposed to be a journalist. Anyway, it was signed. So no more concentration camps and China will buy all the soybeans and wheat, even though he blamed them in the same interview for the coronavirus.
Call this a tale of two cities: After Rayshard Brooks was shot in the back, the officer who shot him was fired, the police chief resigned, and the shooter and his partner have now been charged with crimes. Apart from one fire -- the restaurant that called police -- Atlanta has seen peaceful protests but no violence. It took less than a week.
Three months after he fired ten shots at Breonna Taylor (some of the bullets penetrating the apartment next door), Brett Hankinson has been "released" by the Louisville metro police. So far, that's all.
The Los Angeles sheriff's department has also been busy: They shot a security guard named Andres Guardado because they thought he had a gun. The day before they shot Terron Jammal Boone, whose half-brother Robert Fuller was found hanging from a tree in Palmdale. Both are dead.
There has never been a distinction between the Trump campaign and the Trump "administration" -- Bolton's book only reminds us of this -- and now there's a memo from the Homeland Security department suggesting that the red triangle worn by Hitler's political prisoners be consciously and deliberately associated with "Antifa," by which they mean any opposition to Trump. In case you thought there was any part of the federal government not corrupted by these gangsters.
I don't do social media but I understand Twitter has a policy against sharing "deceptively altered" videos. And apparently Trump violated it with two crudely doctored manipulations of CNN, which he hates more than most media. Michael Bender might have asked him about calling reporters "scumbags" and wishing he could jail or kill them for not revealing sources. Like the sneak who tattled about the bunker! Bender needs a fedora with a press pass in the hatband, to remind him next time.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 12:28 PM
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