Day after day
Dispatched to People's Fox News to explain Trump's bizarre decision to abandon the World Health Organization, Kellyanne Conway suggested they were remiss in not reporting this pandemic eighteen COVIDs ago. "This is COVID-19, not COVID-1, folks," she said. Obviously the Fu Manchu Secret Virus Laboratory had already discarded many bioweapons before unleashing this one. Is that the official White House line or just a stupid official? Because "nineteen" actually refers to the year it was identified. It looks like she gets her information from noted virologist Rush Limbaugh, a problem almost as widespread and deadly as coronavirus.*
What if they gave a Trump hate rally and Trump didn't come? It happened yesterday in Lansing, where the gun-humping, Confederate flag-waving mouth-breathers vented their spleen at Governor Whitmer's attempt to keep Michiganders alive by locking down the state. Deputizing for the Leader, Richard Grenell took time off from running the Office of National Intelligence and giving aid and comfort to Alternative fur Deutschland to misapply the Bill of Rights and lead the traditional chant of "Lock her up!" via Instagram. Michigan is currently third in coronavirus cases behind New York and New Jersey, but clearly some of its residents are hoping to move up.
The Trumpanzees of "Operation Gridlock" would not want to live in Brazil or El Salvador, where criminal gangs are enforcing government curfews to prevent coronavirus spread. In other places, NGOs like the Taliban and the Mafia are stepping up, currying good will among the populace for, I'm sure, largely selfish and mercenary reasons. Still, they know how to get things done. Not like the United States, where governors are told to go out and buy their own vents and PPE, only to have them confiscated for the national stockpile. Since slumlord-in-law Jared was made Pilemaster, there has been ugly muttering about what exactly he needs all that gear for. Could it be yet another attempt to profit from a public position -- what the old Constitution calls "emoluments"? Begone and wash out your mouth with hand sanitizer. "They're having a hard time in Moscow. We're going to help them." Yes, Trump doesn't forget who his real daddy is, and it's not poor demented Fred. Andrew Cuomo should have started amassing equipment five years ago, but Putin was too busy shooting down passenger planes and poisoning political opponents in Britain. We're going to help them. Who could have a problem with that?
I wonder if Trump's newly-minted humanitarianism will extend to California, where Governor Newsom just announced a one-time cash payment to Trump's favorite punching bag, undocumented immigrants. California is in better shape than most, having locked down most of the Bay Area soon after the nursing home outbreak near Seattle, but Los Angeles County is seeing a sharp increase in cases. Like virtually everyplace else, the key to re-opening will be testing. Less than one percent of the American population has been tested. The test kit is fairly basic, hardly as complex as a ventilator, but the country that tamed smallpox and polio can't seem to put cotton swabs together.
Finally, a reason to hope Rush Limbaugh lives past next week! Trump is bored without golf and hate rallies, and he wanted his own radio show. On reflection, he decided not to make Dittoheads choose between them, which might have been physically painful and psychologically bewildering. Carlson, Hannity and Ingraham notwithstanding, Trump has been much grieved by the paucity of praise and the outright criticism he sees on Fox, especially from those who are thinking about returning to journalism one day. The difficulty with his daily "press conferences" is the press and their disrespectful questions, so why not eliminate them? Get himself a Robin Quivers clone and some sponsors like MyPillow and those outfits that sell dried beans to survivalists, and while away the time between lunch and dinner telling America how all the bad stuff is Obama's fault? With guest stars like Ted Nugent, Kanye West, that guy who played Buddy Holly, Curt Schilling, his new African American Vernon Jones, Ammon Bundy, Sheriff Joe -- hey, this can work! Get Rushbo's oncologist on the phone, stat!
*When I read this I thought of Alan Bennett's play The Madness of George III. It was filmed as The Madness of King George for fear Americans would think it was a sequel. ("Hey, did we see 'The Madness of George Two?'") Kellyanne thinks COVID-19 is a sequel.
What if they gave a Trump hate rally and Trump didn't come? It happened yesterday in Lansing, where the gun-humping, Confederate flag-waving mouth-breathers vented their spleen at Governor Whitmer's attempt to keep Michiganders alive by locking down the state. Deputizing for the Leader, Richard Grenell took time off from running the Office of National Intelligence and giving aid and comfort to Alternative fur Deutschland to misapply the Bill of Rights and lead the traditional chant of "Lock her up!" via Instagram. Michigan is currently third in coronavirus cases behind New York and New Jersey, but clearly some of its residents are hoping to move up.
The Trumpanzees of "Operation Gridlock" would not want to live in Brazil or El Salvador, where criminal gangs are enforcing government curfews to prevent coronavirus spread. In other places, NGOs like the Taliban and the Mafia are stepping up, currying good will among the populace for, I'm sure, largely selfish and mercenary reasons. Still, they know how to get things done. Not like the United States, where governors are told to go out and buy their own vents and PPE, only to have them confiscated for the national stockpile. Since slumlord-in-law Jared was made Pilemaster, there has been ugly muttering about what exactly he needs all that gear for. Could it be yet another attempt to profit from a public position -- what the old Constitution calls "emoluments"? Begone and wash out your mouth with hand sanitizer. "They're having a hard time in Moscow. We're going to help them." Yes, Trump doesn't forget who his real daddy is, and it's not poor demented Fred. Andrew Cuomo should have started amassing equipment five years ago, but Putin was too busy shooting down passenger planes and poisoning political opponents in Britain. We're going to help them. Who could have a problem with that?
I wonder if Trump's newly-minted humanitarianism will extend to California, where Governor Newsom just announced a one-time cash payment to Trump's favorite punching bag, undocumented immigrants. California is in better shape than most, having locked down most of the Bay Area soon after the nursing home outbreak near Seattle, but Los Angeles County is seeing a sharp increase in cases. Like virtually everyplace else, the key to re-opening will be testing. Less than one percent of the American population has been tested. The test kit is fairly basic, hardly as complex as a ventilator, but the country that tamed smallpox and polio can't seem to put cotton swabs together.
Finally, a reason to hope Rush Limbaugh lives past next week! Trump is bored without golf and hate rallies, and he wanted his own radio show. On reflection, he decided not to make Dittoheads choose between them, which might have been physically painful and psychologically bewildering. Carlson, Hannity and Ingraham notwithstanding, Trump has been much grieved by the paucity of praise and the outright criticism he sees on Fox, especially from those who are thinking about returning to journalism one day. The difficulty with his daily "press conferences" is the press and their disrespectful questions, so why not eliminate them? Get himself a Robin Quivers clone and some sponsors like MyPillow and those outfits that sell dried beans to survivalists, and while away the time between lunch and dinner telling America how all the bad stuff is Obama's fault? With guest stars like Ted Nugent, Kanye West, that guy who played Buddy Holly, Curt Schilling, his new African American Vernon Jones, Ammon Bundy, Sheriff Joe -- hey, this can work! Get Rushbo's oncologist on the phone, stat!
*When I read this I thought of Alan Bennett's play The Madness of George III. It was filmed as The Madness of King George for fear Americans would think it was a sequel. ("Hey, did we see 'The Madness of George Two?'") Kellyanne thinks COVID-19 is a sequel.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 12:01 PM
1 Comments:
"Trump has been much grieved by the paucity of praise and the outright criticism he sees on Fox, especially from those who are thinking about returning to journalism one day..."
And just where will they go for absolution? Last I looked there were about a hundred gazillion honest twenty- and thirty-something journalists doing 12 simultaneous freelance gigs a week trying to keep body and soul together. Who would want somebody who has already proved s/he is willing to sell out?
As the old saying goes, Sleep with dogs, wake up with fleas.
Yours very crankily,
The New York Crank
Post a Comment
<< Home