Dump Trump Hump Day

After Trump collapsed, exhausted from screaming and flinging his shit at the walls, some staff writers composed a six-page tweet to Nancy Pelosi demanding that she "immediately cease this impeachment fantasy."  Obviously they couldn't tell her why they were more concerned than usual, although Trump's cholesterol level and bowel trouble are not exactly classified.  (The EPA assured him it's working "very strongly" on the supersonic toilet he demanded.)  At about the same time, pro-impeachment demonstrations were held in an estimated six hundred cities and towns.  Our thoughts and prayers to the White House cleaning staff.

According to the tweet, "More due process was afforded to those accused in the Salem Witch Trials," which suggests Team Trump is planning to introduce spectral evidence.  For instance, whenever a Democrat begins to speak, Marsha Blackburn or Joni Ernst will wail, "Kamala, stop pinching me!  Oh, I can't breathe, Bernie is choking me!"  "I see Pocahontas dancing with the Black Man (Obama)!"  Also on the ectoplasmic level, Stephen Miller or whoever writes, "You are offending Americans of faith by continually saying 'I pray for the president,' when you know this statement is not true."  It's not clear whether this is because the Speaker is a Democrat or a Catholic, but nobody can know what is in her mind when she hits her knees at bedtime.  Maybe she even prays for Miller to turn back into a weasel.  Since Jesus enjoined his disciples to love their enemies, shouldn't Trump be bragging that he prays for Pelosi?  I guess Franklin Graham and Junior Falwell forgot to mention that part to him.

"You have cheapened the importance of the very ugly word, impeachment!"  Is there an English teacher in the house?

"You know full well that Vice President Biden used his office and $1 billion dollars of US aid money to coerce Ukraine into firing the prosecutor who was digging into the company paying his son millions of dollars."  Is there a fact-checker in the house?

"You have developed a full-fledged case of what many in the media call Trump Derangement Syndrome and sadly, you will never get over it!"  Fall over dead and see how long it takes us.

"You view democracy as your enemy."  If this was a democracy, Lyin' Ryan would have impeached President Clinton before slinking back to Wisconsin.  BENGHAZIIIIII!

"You do not know, nor do you care, the great damage and hurt you have inflicted upon wonderful and loving members of my family."  I really don't care, do u?

"You are the ones [plural] subverting American Democracy.  You are the ones Obstructing Justice."  We are the ones trying to save correct English usage from illiterate slobs.  So Shut Up.

A crusade, a fantasy, a hoax or a witch hunt?  Those words don't remotely mean the same thing.  If only Miller's family hadn't sat shiva for him, they could give him a thesaurus as a Hanukkah present.

Read it if you like.  This waste of epidermis compared it (favorably) to the Gettysburg Address.  Aliza Worthington's parody is worth a smile.

Look, Wormface and his minions in the Senate are all lined up to kill this thing, and they admit it openly.  John Roberts need not order up a special Manos:  The Hands of Fate toga like Rehnquist's, no matter how many millions take to the streets.  But for one brief, shining moment we will make our point.