News From Lake WTF
I have to talk to AT&T, which was the phone company for a hundred years so it's good enough for me. This is the second Presidential Alert I have apparently missed, the one warning of the NATIONAL EMERGENCY posed by the "caravan" of brown refugees creeping up on Texas like some Honduran Blitzkrieg while being monitored every step of the way by a dozen media outlets, Mexican police, and for all I know CIA satellites. When the vast majority of people turned out to be men in broken-down trucks and exhausted women with children, Trump gazed into his Magic Crystal (a gift from his good Saudi friends) and noticed that "unknown Middle Easterners" had been "embedded" in the procession. Also sharks with frigging lasers on their heads and some Africans infected with Ebola. So, scary. Imagine what they left behind to take their chances in Trumpistan!
Texas can unclench, though, because their final destination* is MINNESOTA, and specifically all those tempting lakeside cottages vacant at this time of year. So says Carol Shields, a 75-year-old retired accountant and Republican. Ms. Shields is afraid she'll head up to the lake in early June, when the snow is mostly gone, and find fifteen or twenty Hondurans (and maybe a shark) lounging in her living room eating tamales and watching soccer on Galavision, while upstairs women are giving birth to even more brown babies who will soon overwhelm our White Culture. (That's Rep. Steve King campaigning in Austria -- I don't have time to go into that shit now.)
Minnesota is the birthplace of a lot of really smart people -- Sinclair Lewis, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Bob Dylan, Ethan and Joel Coen -- and now I see why they got out as fast as they could. And nobody would pay attention to Carol Shields and her babbling had it not appeared in The New York Times as the pendant to a story about Trump riling up the glue-eaters in an attempt to turn back the blue tsunami next month. (Did you know there are riots against immigration in California? Neither did anyone else except Trump, the termites in his head, and now every member of the QAnon Continuum. I don't have time to go into that shit now.) The Times is mortified to be called "elitist" -- frankly, that's why I subscribe in spite of everything -- and is forever dispatching reporters to places where you can't even get pumpkin-spice latte to take the pulse of Judy and Jerry Scratchcard, the Real Americans. Carol Shields is as real as it gets: racist, gullible, stupid and old. I'll bet she spends her copious free time calling the police on black people for the act of mailing a letter or buying toothpaste. Besides, it's the Canadians who will slip across that unguarded frontier and occupy our summer homes while we're fixated on Central Americans. George Soros told me while I was picking up the checks for my Antifa vegan terror cell.
I may have said too much.
*I know "all destinations are final." Don't be quoting George Carlin to me.
Texas can unclench, though, because their final destination* is MINNESOTA, and specifically all those tempting lakeside cottages vacant at this time of year. So says Carol Shields, a 75-year-old retired accountant and Republican. Ms. Shields is afraid she'll head up to the lake in early June, when the snow is mostly gone, and find fifteen or twenty Hondurans (and maybe a shark) lounging in her living room eating tamales and watching soccer on Galavision, while upstairs women are giving birth to even more brown babies who will soon overwhelm our White Culture. (That's Rep. Steve King campaigning in Austria -- I don't have time to go into that shit now.)
Minnesota is the birthplace of a lot of really smart people -- Sinclair Lewis, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Bob Dylan, Ethan and Joel Coen -- and now I see why they got out as fast as they could. And nobody would pay attention to Carol Shields and her babbling had it not appeared in The New York Times as the pendant to a story about Trump riling up the glue-eaters in an attempt to turn back the blue tsunami next month. (Did you know there are riots against immigration in California? Neither did anyone else except Trump, the termites in his head, and now every member of the QAnon Continuum. I don't have time to go into that shit now.) The Times is mortified to be called "elitist" -- frankly, that's why I subscribe in spite of everything -- and is forever dispatching reporters to places where you can't even get pumpkin-spice latte to take the pulse of Judy and Jerry Scratchcard, the Real Americans. Carol Shields is as real as it gets: racist, gullible, stupid and old. I'll bet she spends her copious free time calling the police on black people for the act of mailing a letter or buying toothpaste. Besides, it's the Canadians who will slip across that unguarded frontier and occupy our summer homes while we're fixated on Central Americans. George Soros told me while I was picking up the checks for my Antifa vegan terror cell.
I may have said too much.
*I know "all destinations are final." Don't be quoting George Carlin to me.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 1:10 PM
2 Comments:
"Carol Shields is as real as it gets: racist, gullible, stupid and old."
Hey Buttermilk, lay off old. I'm old, and yet I remember Trump in my prayers every night — the prayers to send certain people to the hottest circle of hell.
By harshing on old, you're playing into the hands of the s.o.b.s who want to put an end — or at least cut to ribbons — Social Security and Medicare.
Racist, gullible, and probably stupid are behaviors. Old is an inescapable condition. Watch out for Karma.
Yours Crankily,
The New York Crank
OH MY GOD THE NEW YORK CRANK IS READING MY BLOG!!!
Actually, I'm old, too, though not as old as Carol. I get Socialist Security (and Medicare) and will defend them to the death...with votes, not bombs.
Keep praying and drop by anytime.
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