Scary time
Yes, it is. Teabag Trumpette Amy Kremer gives us the quotation of the day. It seems an occult book store in Brooklyn is hosting a spell-casting this weekend, and Amy is horrified: "It's a scary time right now. Now we've got witches that are placing a hex on Brett Kavanaugh." No, they're trying to increase their foot-traffic with clever, free publicity, thanks, Amy! The magick (I believe that's the preferred spelling) will have no more power than Pat Robertson's promise to turn away the wrath of Hurricane Florence through his personal relationship with Big Sky Wizard. Of course, if Mr. Justice Gangbang reports for work on Monday only seven inches tall, I am prepared to apologize and publish a retraction, and maybe order a new copy of Drawing Down the Moon from Catland Books, 987 Flushing Avenue.
It's one of those days when there is an embarrassment of quotation riches. Tucker Carlson whines that he can no longer dine out because of people "screaming 'Fuck you!' It just wrecks your meal." Where the hell is he eating, the New School cafeteria? Tucky, you can go to an overpriced Maison de la Casa House (thanks, Bud Trillin) with tassels on the menu, or you can stay home and eat one of the frozen TV dinners that made it possible for you and your family to avoid work forever. Or just grow a pair and don't let yourself get chased out like a common Ted Cruz.
Oh, the great "Judge" Jeanine Pirro has taken to calling Democrats "Demon rats." Isn't that adorable? Would it be uncivil to hope she patronizes Joan Rivers's plastic surgeon?
"I'm the president and you're not," was the most intelligible sentence uttered by Himself in an interview patiently conducted by Lesley Stahl. She had asked why children have to be locked in cages or consigned to tents in the desert. She also chased him all over the landscape trying to get straight answers about climate change ("scientists have a political agenda") and NATO ("I know more than [James] Mattis"). Watch it if you want to. Closed captioning may help.
It's a scary time for journalists. Jamal Khashoggi, a Saudi who lives in the United States and writes for the Washington Post, went into the Saudi consulate in Istanbul two weeks ago and never came out. (Wonderful things, security cameras.) Khashoggi had been critical of his country's government and its crown prince Mohammad bin Salman, who has been quoted as saying slumlord-in-law Jared Kushner is "in [his] pocket." It looks like s-i-l provides him with the names of dissidents and other troublemakers. Jared's wife's daddy has promised to get to the bottom of this, but also believes "rogue killers" made him disappear. A genie and a magic lamp are suspected. Also, Saudi oil might suddenly get more expensive, if you know what I mean and I think you do, and no more playing with The Orb. Get it? The bully becomes the bullied.
"I'm the most bullied person in the world," pouted Melania Trump, and honestly, until the Brett-hex quote came along I was going to open with that one. She went all the way to Africa dressed like the Englishwoman in a Tarzan movie who has to be rescued from the savages, she hugged some steam-cleaned children and looked at some animals, but were Americans grateful? Did they nominate her for a Nobel Peace Prize or greet her at the airport like a championship team? No, they criticized her for wearing a pith-helmet in former colonies like Ghana, for spending a fat ten minutes touring the places where captives were loaded onto slave ships, and for being an oblivious, privileged bimbo who married as much money as she could find and by the way, lied about being a college graduate. See? Criticism, bullying, harassment, assault, genocide, it's all the same word in Slovenia, I guess.
Sheldon Adelson gave $20 million to the Trump campaign, and it has come up cherries. Adelson stands to make $25 billion a year if Japan grants him one of three licenses to open a casino there, and Trump ("I remember Pearl Harbor!") is working overtime to make it happen. We don't know what Shelly said when Donny gave him the good news, but I'm sure he was suitably grateful. And that's how you drain the swamp.
You may recall the specific Hitler Hootenanny (I don't) where Trump challenged Elizabeth Warren to prove her Native American ancestry. He implied the DNA test was one of those disgusting gynecological procedures that real men don't want to think about; he also promised to pay a million dollars if she turned out to be "an Indian." This week the Senator released the results, from a geneticist at Stanford -- she is, in fact, part Cherokee. Apparently DNA, routinely used for everything from solving crimes to identifying the remains of soldiers, is "junk science," according to expert Kellyanne Conway ("I haven't looked at the test...I'm not interested"). Coincidentally, it seems that William Wages, brother-in-law of House Majority Leader and Raving Trumpite Kevin McCarthy, got a lucrative government contract by claiming to be part Cherokee -- a claim disputed by the Cherokee Nation. And that's how you drain the swamp.
Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, died today. My comment has been deleted for its extreme incivility. I hate Microsoft.
It's one of those days when there is an embarrassment of quotation riches. Tucker Carlson whines that he can no longer dine out because of people "screaming 'Fuck you!' It just wrecks your meal." Where the hell is he eating, the New School cafeteria? Tucky, you can go to an overpriced Maison de la Casa House (thanks, Bud Trillin) with tassels on the menu, or you can stay home and eat one of the frozen TV dinners that made it possible for you and your family to avoid work forever. Or just grow a pair and don't let yourself get chased out like a common Ted Cruz.
Oh, the great "Judge" Jeanine Pirro has taken to calling Democrats "Demon rats." Isn't that adorable? Would it be uncivil to hope she patronizes Joan Rivers's plastic surgeon?
"I'm the president and you're not," was the most intelligible sentence uttered by Himself in an interview patiently conducted by Lesley Stahl. She had asked why children have to be locked in cages or consigned to tents in the desert. She also chased him all over the landscape trying to get straight answers about climate change ("scientists have a political agenda") and NATO ("I know more than [James] Mattis"). Watch it if you want to. Closed captioning may help.
It's a scary time for journalists. Jamal Khashoggi, a Saudi who lives in the United States and writes for the Washington Post, went into the Saudi consulate in Istanbul two weeks ago and never came out. (Wonderful things, security cameras.) Khashoggi had been critical of his country's government and its crown prince Mohammad bin Salman, who has been quoted as saying slumlord-in-law Jared Kushner is "in [his] pocket." It looks like s-i-l provides him with the names of dissidents and other troublemakers. Jared's wife's daddy has promised to get to the bottom of this, but also believes "rogue killers" made him disappear. A genie and a magic lamp are suspected. Also, Saudi oil might suddenly get more expensive, if you know what I mean and I think you do, and no more playing with The Orb. Get it? The bully becomes the bullied.
"I'm the most bullied person in the world," pouted Melania Trump, and honestly, until the Brett-hex quote came along I was going to open with that one. She went all the way to Africa dressed like the Englishwoman in a Tarzan movie who has to be rescued from the savages, she hugged some steam-cleaned children and looked at some animals, but were Americans grateful? Did they nominate her for a Nobel Peace Prize or greet her at the airport like a championship team? No, they criticized her for wearing a pith-helmet in former colonies like Ghana, for spending a fat ten minutes touring the places where captives were loaded onto slave ships, and for being an oblivious, privileged bimbo who married as much money as she could find and by the way, lied about being a college graduate. See? Criticism, bullying, harassment, assault, genocide, it's all the same word in Slovenia, I guess.
Sheldon Adelson gave $20 million to the Trump campaign, and it has come up cherries. Adelson stands to make $25 billion a year if Japan grants him one of three licenses to open a casino there, and Trump ("I remember Pearl Harbor!") is working overtime to make it happen. We don't know what Shelly said when Donny gave him the good news, but I'm sure he was suitably grateful. And that's how you drain the swamp.
You may recall the specific Hitler Hootenanny (I don't) where Trump challenged Elizabeth Warren to prove her Native American ancestry. He implied the DNA test was one of those disgusting gynecological procedures that real men don't want to think about; he also promised to pay a million dollars if she turned out to be "an Indian." This week the Senator released the results, from a geneticist at Stanford -- she is, in fact, part Cherokee. Apparently DNA, routinely used for everything from solving crimes to identifying the remains of soldiers, is "junk science," according to expert Kellyanne Conway ("I haven't looked at the test...I'm not interested"). Coincidentally, it seems that William Wages, brother-in-law of House Majority Leader and Raving Trumpite Kevin McCarthy, got a lucrative government contract by claiming to be part Cherokee -- a claim disputed by the Cherokee Nation. And that's how you drain the swamp.
Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, died today. My comment has been deleted for its extreme incivility. I hate Microsoft.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 7:57 PM
1 Comments:
"Would it be uncivil to hope she patronizes Joan Rivers's plastic surgeon?"
It would be even more uncivil to hope she patronizes the endoscopy team that got sued for malpractice in the event that led to her death. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/joan-rivers-death-medical-malpractice-893559
Just sayin'.
Yours crankily,
The New York Crank
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