Private communication

Rep. Eliot Engel
The Bronx

Dear Eliot,

I have to write to you here because your email does not accept messages from outside your district.  I am prepared to lie about any number of things, but not about living in The Bronx.  So anyway, I respect your decision not to shake hands with The Leader when he appeared before the Reichstag Congress.  People see the word "syphilis" and they get anxious.  Also that weird handshake, like he's seen humans do it but doesn't know why.  Brrrr.  But if you read the Newsweek article closely, it says he is no longer contagious.  So if you ever find yourself in a place where you have to make contact, don't panic.  Wash your hands as soon as you can and you'll be fine.  No Purell, plenty of soap and hot water.

Regards,

Buttermilk Sky