Sunday, January 16, 2011

Leave the transit...take the cannoli

So where's the party?

This has been a week of triumph for the Rightzis. They eliminated an activist judge, disabled a Democratic Congresswoman indefinitely, and prevented a nine-year-old from growing up to become one of Limbaugh's "feminazis." (She was a Little League ballplayer, it was only a matter of time.) I don't see any fireworks.

Instead, the infamous crosshairs map was hastily removed from Palin's website (why, if they were surveyor's marks?), a billboard of a gun-totin' Limbaugh vanished from a highway near Tucson, and a whole new volume was written in the history of damage control. We're not responsible for the effect our lock-and-load ranting may or may not have had on a delusional man, and besides, liberals are just as bad.

Just as bad? Well, someone who disagreed with Rep. Giffords's vote against Nancy Pelosi as Minority Leader posted that she was "dead to me," a phrase it's hard to take seriously if you first heard it from Jerry's Uncle Leo on Seinfeld, a phrase that's impossible to interpret as a death threat. Palin's courtiers claim she has received threats, but courageously, they have chosen not to turn any of them over to the FBI or the Alaska state police -- come to think of it, Sarah has something of a fraught history with the troopers -- or even Wasilla's local force. And pointing out their repeated calls for violence is itself an incitement to violence, isn't it?

Jon Stewart, the most trusted name in fake news, says there is "no clear line" from Palin to Jared Loughner. Since the Sky was among the blue meanies who discerned one, we should probably apologize. Instead, we offer a quote from Eric Fuller, a disabled veteran who was shot by Loughner a week ago:

"It looks like Palin, Beck, Sharron Angle and the rest got their first target. Their wish for Second Amendment activism has been fulfilled."

Maybe Mr. Fuller was a little too close to the action. Maybe he doesn't realize he was a supporting player in yet another nefarious plot against the Real Americans, who were at their keyboards within minutes of the memorial service to denounce everything from the Native American blessing to the "United We Thrive" shirts distributed by the university, but especially the President's disgraceful politicization of the event by just showing up. (Too bad he didn't have a political fundraiser to attend, like John Boehner.) The only point of bipartisan convergence was a law quickly passed by the Arizona legislature that forbids picketing at funerals, to prevent Fred Phelps and his clown posse from disrupting the Christina Taylor Green service. One side found the prospect disgusting, the other was worried about more bad press. You can guess which.

Yep, like the bombing of the Murrah Building in Oklahoma City, the shooting at Columbine High School, the killing at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum, the murder of three police officers in Pittsburgh and the attack on Pearl Harbor, this was just another phase in the liberal plot to confiscate all the guns and make the citizenry eat salad and worship Satan. The Real Americans aren't even veiling their threats of insurrection, civil war and murder, unless we tone down the blogging and stop making Glenn Beck cry.

Meanwhile, the gun owners are buying more guns and ammo, the Right side of Blogenheim has rung with the sound of their armorers working into the night, and no one has even asked, "Was it something I said?" Instead, a Wall Street Journal editorial contributes to the spread of mind-numbing ignorance by accusing Palin's critics of perpetrating a "blood libel" against her, and she chimes in with a YouTube performance that Saturday Night Live had better not try to equal.

All I have are two great modernist poets:

The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity. (Yeats)

I think we are in rats' alley
Where the dead men lost their bones. (Eliot)



Blogger mjbarkl said...

Amazing and wonderful columns. Your IQ must be off the charts, the endless "0 Comments" a testiment to their quality - who could follow that? Anyway, great stuff! What brought me here, you say "...and prevented a nine-year-old from growing up to become one of Limbaugh's "feminazis." (She was a Little League ballplayer, it was only a matter of time.)" Christina Taylor Green could as easily have been a future president. In some Terminator-travel alternate universe this would have been a presidential assassination perhaps. Best wishes, --Mike,

12:48 PM  
Blogger mjbarkl said...

( Uh, sorry, that's testament - That's the typo rule, typos appear the instant you hit the return key, sigh. )
OK, OK, so here I am, my eyeballs hurt, my kleenex are moist from
tears from laughing so hard, having DVRd the Super Bowl and instead sat here and read every last one of your columns in one
sitting, not skim, but read, savored, looking up allusions and all that (and, of course, being quietly respectful at the right times such as 06/01/2007, discussions of war, guns, etc.) (why did it take Monkey Business
2x to get responses posted?), all that time playing them in the voices of Rachel Maddow, Ann Richards or Molly Ivins [interesting collection of Molly videos on youtube], any of which worked fine having not heard yours that I know of. What a delightful evening. Didn't quite grasp the comments in Chinese or whatever they were, but the rest was
splendid. The New Yorker would be improved by running them all. Uncensored! Best wishes, including to Jackie (Quacko?) & Rose,, --Mike
(p.s. did I miss the column on culture shock in Bartlett.... :-) )
(p.p.s. Palin/Bachmann 2012 - a double dingbat dare ?)

11:40 PM  

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