Thursday school

The Buttermilk Sky organization is calling for a moratorium on "douche" and related terms, including "douche bag" and "douche nozzle." We recognize that it is fun to say and was never included in the FCC's list of proscribed words, but, hey, enough. It is, after all, just French for "shower," and it refers to an antiquated form of feminine hygiene unknown to any woman under the age of fifty. Are douche bags still made and sold? We suspect they have gone the way of the red rubber enema bag and the linen baby diaper. We also detect an overtone of sexism in calling everyone who behaves in a sleazy or idiotic manner a "douche." And frankly, we're just tired of hearing it.

Here is a list of suggested alternatives:

• herring-sniffer
• sneeze guard
• flatulist
• mugwump
• schlafly
• teabigot
• fleashit
• clonehead

Thank you for your cooperation.