Thursday, November 05, 2009

Bloomsday USA

What did I take? Advil? Probably too many. OTC crap, always double dosage if you want to get any effect. Mouth is dry. Computer making noises. Just like my old PC before it died. Motherboard went to smash. Why no fatherboards? Never mind. Turn on TV news. Everybody on same story. Can't be good. Shooting at Fort Hood. In Texas? Damn, they were serious about secession. Fired on Fort Hood. Fine with me. Goodbye, don't let New Mexico hit you in the ass on the way out. Not official, some soldier. Jeez, shot a bunch of soldiers. Nine dead. Maybe more. Shooting on army base. "Gentlemen! Fighting in the War Room?" Peter Sellers.

Shooter was a major. And a psychiatrist. Oh, perfect. Treated soldiers with PTSD. Who said "If you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss will stare into you"? Ray Nitschky? Can't be right. A real major, or like Frank Burns? Oh, he has a Middle Eastern name. We'll hear about this for days. They say he's dead. Went to Virginia Tech. Where the Korean kid killed 32 people. Another talking point leading nowhere. Just keep talking, right? Twenty-four hours to fill, every goddam day. Post-racial America reflected in a more varied cast of sociopaths. Black serial killer in Cleveland. Eleven bodies in his house. Nobody dumps them in the lake any more? Maybe had no car. I need some water. And a No-Doz.

The cables are all over the story. Already brought out the music that tells you to grieve. Yuck. Atrocities should take place over the weekend, when MSNBC has a full schedule of true crime and prison docs. Hard to take them seriously. "The news goes on twenty-four hours a day." Charles Foster Kane. I can close my eyes and imagine how this will be covered. At least dead soldiers means the late-night buffoons will leave it alone. More time for Ferguson's fag jokes. Wonder how Jack Price is doing. Every sniggering comic should have to spend time changing his Foley bag.

Oh, picture of the major. Nadal Malik Hasan. Probably doesn't use Malik, but every killer gets the tripartite name treatment. James Earl Ray. John Wayne Gacy. Dates back to John Wilkes Booth. Nobody is going to say it, so I will: This guy looks like Beldar Conehead. Is that disrespectful to his victims? Blame caffeine. I'm not the one politicizing it. Rick "Secesh" Perry competing with Kay Bailey Herbert Walker Terwilliger McClure Hutchison for camera time. Probable primary rivals next year. Perry trying to prove he has bigger balls. Good luck, Ricky. Nothing else to see but ambulances rolling along Texas freeways. More and more opinion, little of it supported by facts at this point.

Funny how one story squeezes out everything else. No newspaper could survive on one topic a day, but these people, with hours to fill, go all-Fort Hood as they went all-Michael Jackson. Great story from Boondock, New York, 23rd CD elects a Democrat after being Republican since 1872. I remember it well, the big Grant landslide. Republicans at this point more a cult than a party. Hoffman brought in Big Guns with actual guns (Palin, Beck, Armey) to ensure his defeat. Another great story: Bernie Kerik allowed to plead guilty to one of the many charges against him. No longer head of Integrity Division at Giuliani, Inc. From Secretary-designate of Homeland Security to federal inmate. O Fortuna.

Back at Fort Hood, death count rising. More than thirty wounded. Base locked down, and surrounding schools for good measure. Why? Surely Texas, of all places, has a plan in place for gun violence. Luby's, Waco, last spring in Houston. Cheney attempt on life of elderly lawyer. I believe it involves arming everybody. Major Hasan did not want to be deployed to Afghanistan. Could have hired Orly Taitz to file a lawsuit claiming commander-in-chief is not native-born, but decided this was less insane. Probably a Freudian. I need to eat something.

E-mail from one of those organizations I subscribed to last year and can't shake off. Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Neptune) blocking S. 1963, "Caregivers and Veterans Omnibus Health Services Act of 2009." Excellent timing, Tom. You're an MD, let's see if you can pull your head out of your own ass without a full surgical team. I have no idea what liverwurst is even made from, but it's good. Almost time for BBC news. A little perspective, a lot of Europe, and way too much about cricket. Oh, somebody has given H1N1 flu to a cat.

Breaking news: Major Hasan shot four times but still alive. Likely to recover. Which is good, because nobody else knows exactly why. Death toll up to twelve. Uh-oh, teabigots are back. Spread out, look like a crowd. More excellent timing: The always hilarious Michelle Bachmann says she wants her people "armed and dangerous" on health care issue. Please let ex-Governor Dingbat have her assault rifle with her. No? Damned TSA. 1872, knuckleheads. Keep it up. If I type "Fort Hood Obama" into Google right now, will I get a hundred right-wing blogs explaining how it's All Obama's Fault, like the Cleveland serial killer and the military coup in Honduras and the embarrassing tape of Carrie Prejean and her born-again boobs? Unlike victory for hate forces in Maine, which is kind of his fault, really.

Insurance lobby seems distracted. Running scare commercials about health care bill during Olbermann and Maddow shows. Really want to hit that audience. For all I know running them on male impersonator Glenn Beck, too. Does he still have sponsors? Companies that buy gold jewelry, penis enlargement pills, Girls Gone Wild? Don't know if the last two work, but I don't think I'd put gold in a mailer marked "Gold Jewelry" and drop it in a mailbox. That's just me. Distrustful. Any more liverwurst? Sorry, all-day TV dulls the sensibilities. Tomorrow I'll know that mass murder happened. Nothing will have changed. I'll read instead. Yes, I will, yes. Yes.



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