October! Surprise!

Hunters know there's nothing as dangerous as a cornered, wounded animal. A full-grown Republican has been known to spit like a camel, fling crap like a chimpanzee, and get all up in your face like a chicken hawk. A few other things we should be ready for:

Palling around with terrorists 2.0

If the Bill Ayers "bombshell" continues to meet with weary shrugs, the RNC is fully prepared to release a grainy photo of Barack and Michelle Obama emerging from a Jane Fonda movie, smiling as if they enjoyed it. (I know, I know. It's a revival house and it's showing The China Syndrome, OK?) Voice-over: "The Obamas contributed money to Hanoi Jane herself!" Seven-fifty apiece.

Spectral evidence

At an Obama rally, an adolescent girl (maybe more than one) suddenly points to the space beside the senator and screams, "The Evil One is whispering in his ear!" She then falls to the ground and thrashes about, crying, "No! Stop pinching me! Make him stop!" This should play especially well in areas where libraries have been forced to remove books by the terrorist Arthur Miller from their shelves.

Dead or alive

On the soundstage where the moon landing was faked, "Osama bin Laden" (played by veteran character actor Richard Libertini) is dragged from a cave by two Marines (Casey Affleck, Patrick Swayze) and their commander, Col. Buck Mulligan (Chuck Norris). He is wearing an extra-large Obama-Biden button. No, maybe a T-shirt. Game over. Only question: Who gets this exclusive breaking story, Hannity or Hume?

(For entertainment purposes only. This blog takes no responsibility if the McCain campaign actually tries any of this stuff. No responsibility.)