Friday, November 23, 2018

Thanks a lot

I'm thankful to Ivanka Trump for being stupid enough to conduct whatever government business she conducts on a private email server after listening to Daddy rant at Hillary Clinton for the exact same thing for the past three years.  Maybe she doesn't really listen.*  I can relate.  Anyway, we've all had several days of laughing and pointing and yelling "Lock her up!" and now we can settle down and get back to surviving the continuing national nightmare.

I'm thankful that there's one less pain in the ass missionary in the world.  You can't say he wasn't warned.  Boatmen wouldn't take him to the Andaman islands,  the Indian government says to leave the Sentinelese alone, but John Allen Chau just had to bring them the good news about Jesus.  Jesus, even Mormons, the most mission-y nuisances in the world, know enough to stay away.  So now John Allen Chau is dead, or if you like "martyred," and maybe the next missionary will get a brain, moran.

I'm thankful to Interpol for choosing Kim Jong Yang of South Korea to be its new president.  For a while it looked as if the organization would fall into the undoubtedly bloody hands of Alexander Prokopchuk, a thug from Putin's Interior Ministry.  That would have been bad news for a lot of people Putin doesn't like, including British journalist Bill Browder, the instigator of the Magnitsky Act.  Mr. Kim's first job should be asking China what became of the last president, Meng Hongwei, who seems to have disappeared.

I'm thankful to Chief Justice Roberts for explaining that "an independent judiciary is something we should all be thankful for."  Gave me a good laugh.  Exactly how independent does he think his new Brother Kavanaugh will be?  Or the silent but deadly Gorsuch, who was built in the same laboratory?  At least the Ninth Circuit is still making Donzo choke on his turkey.

I'm thankful to the industrious journalist who dug up another Matt Whitaker scam, the "Foundation for Accountability and Civic Trust" (FACT, get it?), a paper charity putatively investigating the harmful effect of environmental regulations on business.  It has never published a report and has no employees but Whitaker (several "board members" have denied any connection to it), but it sure is laundering receiving a shit ton of money.  Why didn't Trump just make Bernie Madoff his attorney general?

I'm thankful for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who is already driving the Republicans crazy.  Crazier.

*"Email is the key to prosecuting just about everyone," it says in Ivanka's "book," but there is no evidence that she has read it.


Blogger MarkS said...

Once again, thanks a lot.Just don't want you to think that your incisive commentary is unread, or unappreciated

5:22 PM  
Blogger The New York Crank said...

Excellent list! But permit me a petty cavil (or is that a redundancy?) for your having left off Rudy Giuliani.

Rudy, in a valiant effort to assist The Trumpster, dug him into a deeper hole every time he spoke to the press on The Trumpster's behalf. For that I owe Rudy my undying gratitude, not to mention many minutes of mirth and glee whenever I turned on my TV.

Come to think of it, whatever became of Rudy Giuliani? Perhaps Chuck Grassley should launch an investigation. Come to think of it, I'm grateful for Chuck Grassley, whose terrible temper makes him resemble a cartoon of himself much more than a mere cartoon possibly could.

Yours crankily,
The New York Crank

9:41 AM  

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