Monday, February 13, 2012

Rhythm (method) and blues

Determined to outflank Rick Sanctorum, Mitt Rombot announced that not only will he ban all contraception once he is The Leader, he will also prosecute those who used it in the past.

Moreover, he will ask the LDS to name and baptize all unfertilized eggs produced by American women. Because you can't be too careful.

It's a flat-out battle for the essential ultra-orthodox ultra-ultra-Catholic swing vote. The Catholics who won't even call Benedict XVI "the pope," preferring "Bavarian Muslim usurper." The Catholics who have not recognized any pope since Hitler's pal Pius XII, and consider the rest a bunch of Protestant-appeasing, Limbo-abolishing, Friday-meat-eating, Galileo-pardoning secular humanist heretics. They're here, they're Republicans, and they're helping to make this the most entertaining election since the last one.

Out in the real world, few Americans would list moon colonies or funding for Planned Parenthood among their main preoccupations. The 99 percent are more concerned with feeding, housing and educating the children they already have, than with how to avoid having any more. They watch events in Iran and Syria with trepidation; they try to comprehend what is happening in Greece and Egypt; they wonder how to pay the mortgage and put gas in the car, and they mostly don't give a wet slap about gay people getting married or serving openly in the Air Force. Some of them sense that Obama's join-hands-and-sing-Kumbaya approach to governing is not working, but nobody is challenging him from the vast expanse of territory on his left except the sporadic Occupiers and The Daily Show. As amusing as the Mad Tea Party is, entertainment is not enough.