The lighter side of American carnage

 Suddenly thrust into the national spotlight and loving it, West Virginia Attorney General Patrick Morrisey went on Newsmax to promote the idea of moving Trump's trial out of DC (and totally unfair Judge Chutkan) to his state.  Certainly not because Trump won it by forty points in 2020, why would you think that?  Morrisey cited other change of venue cases:  Timothy McVeigh and his co-conspirators in the Oklahoma City bombing; the DC snipers John Muhammad and Lee Malvo; and the LA police officers who were acquitted of beating Rodney King despite the graphic video, leading to days of violent unrest.  I see his point.  In all three cases, entire communities were terrorized, during or after the original crimes.  Trump's instigation of the January 6 coup terrorized the whole country.  Maybe he should be tried in Guam?  Would Australia like to take this on for us?

People are beginning to notice that Trump appears in court accompanied by his lawyer du jour but not a single family member, so Page Six decided it was time for a puff piece about how Melania is actually his rock.  According to no one willing to be named, she "keeps his temper in check" by turning off the TV news when he starts to scream and fling food, and is his "secret weapon to staying grounded."  That's right, grounded.  It could be worse.

Back in 2021, high-minded lawmakers like Ted Cruz, Mitch McConnell and Jeff Duncan began employing the phrase "Let's Go Brandon" as an insult to the president, a sophomoric way of saying "Fuck Joe Biden" without actually saying it.  The Biden team responded by co-opting it as "Dark Brandon," and the superhero image soon appeared on all sorts of merchandise.

Now totally grounded Trump and his lawyers have responded to the DoJ's request for a protective order by complaining that the new "Brandon" coffee mug which appeared last week was a "thinly veiled" reference to the indictment and an attempt to profit off Trump's very unfair persecution.  Apparently they don't know that only Trump can fund-raise from his indictments.  

"This is my 28th Fancy Farm and I want to assure you it's not my last," Mitch McConnell told the crowd at some big-deal Kentucky political event, while the assembly shouted "Retire!" and "Lost the Senate."  They were unimpressed by his skill at rigging the Supreme Court with corrupt right-wingers and unmoved by his health problems -- it was just "What have you done to doom democracy this year?"  Or possibly it was having to be outdoors in August during the hottest summer ever recorded.  The crowd was equally unexcited by their gubernatorial candidate Daniel Cameron, despite a tight ten of killer material about Hunter Biden, Bud Light, the transgendered and Jason Aldean's serenade to lynching.  At least they didn't boo.  

There is such a thing as defying the lightning, not to mention the hurricanes and the heat.  The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Parlor reports that Fort Bend County, Texas, is fixing to build a new 10,000 seat venue on what used to be rice farms (i.e. swamp) and call it the Epicenter.  Mostly it will be built of glass, which the county will be sweeping up after the first Katrina-level storm.

Pretty, though.

This just in:  the DeSantis campaign has brought in a new manager.  I wonder if that would help the Mets.

Teaching is a stressful occupation, but Angelica Carrasquillo of Griffith, Indiana, went too far when she told her fifth-graders she had a "kill list" of students and staff she'd be willing to dismiss forever, herself included.  She has pleaded guilty to intimidation and received two-and-a-half years of probation.  What would Miss Shields say?