Stopped making sense

 The FBI returned Trump's passport collection with a note:  "Thanks, we just needed a laugh."  His photo actually looks like him.

Junior Trump offers a "pro tip for life...Become a Democrat.  Then you can do whatever you want with no accountability, no legal action...they'll just leave you alone."  Former Governor Andrew Cuomo would like to dispute that.  And I believe Adam Clayton Powell and Harrison Williams are calling from the beyond.  Junior needs to find a dealer whose product is not cut with rat poison.  Or read a history book not by Bill O'Reilly.

Allen Weisselberg is negotiating a guilty plea on fraud charges with the Manhattan District Attorney in return for a brief spell on Rikers Island, which is lovely this time of year.  Weisselberg is or was CFO of The Trump Organization, in case you've forgotten.  I'm sure Trump has also forgotten, or barely knew him, he was terrible at his job despite holding it for decades.  Also he lives in a suburban house Trump found "embarrassing" the one time he attended a shiva there and amused the other mourners with pictures of naked women.  Allegedly.  

Add China to the list of countries determined to police women's clothing.  Also people's fantasy lives.  A woman in Suzhou was arrested for cosplaying a character in Summer Time Rendering, a manga series, wearing a Japanese kimono and a wig.  Growing Chinese nationalism and centuries-long scratchy relations with Japan are blamed, but I'm not sure it's different from the French obsession with burkinis or the Taliban draping Afghan women in tarpaulins.  When men have the courage to wear skirts, nobody in authority seems to give them shit.

"There's no meat on that plate!  This is downright unAmerican," complained one carnivorous Cracker Barrel patron of the new vegetarian sausage.  The fried pickle introduced this week sounds unhealthy enough, but they just don't like change.  There's still plenty of meat on offer but the enraged are enraged that someone else may not want it.  "Change the menu back to like it was pre-COVID," another begged.  And why isn't Bonanza on every week?  Are those col...uh, black people you're serving?  I'll take my Family Bucket to go, please.  

The Trump-anointed continue to amuse as they campaign for office this summer.  Today's stooge is Bo Hines, running in the North Carolina 13th.  Today he told a hate-radio host, "A lot of people have likened the situation that's going on right now is, you know, they say we're in a Banana Republic.  I think that's an insult to Banana Republics across the country.  I mean, at least the manager of Banana Republic, unlike our president, at least he knows where he is and why he's there and what he's doing."  A suggestion, Bo -- probably don't insult anyone else's cognitive skills when you don't know what the term "banana republic" means.  Yale, huh?  

If it helps, Bo, it's not going any better for Mehmet Oz.  When will rich office-seekers learn to stay out of grocery stores?  George H.W. Bush gazed at a price-scanner as if it was alien technology, and Oz re-posted a video of himself shopping for crudites, as I'm pretty sure they aren't known in Kutztown.  He was at Wegners, or Wegmans, or Redners, but anyway not at Banana Republic.  Much mirth!

As Joe Biden prepared to celebrate yet another legislative triumph by signing the Inflation Reduction Act, John "Shet Mah Mouf" Kennedy turned up on Jesse Watters's Treehouse to discuss his utter failure and how he has "mismanaged" everything.  The fake cracker does not seem to share our timeline.  I guess it helped the Foxniks get over their butthurt at more bad news.  For example:

Rudolph Giuliani isn't only dodging a subpoena for grand jury testimony, he's under investigation for election crimes himself!  And only weeks after "the left" put him in the hospital with a yuge heart attack.  Disgraceful!  (I'm saving Trump a few keystrokes.)  Also, judges keep ordering Lindsey Graham to haul ass to Atlanta and stop hiding behind the Speech or Debate clause.  Persecution!  Giuliani has a press conference scheduled tomorrow in the parking lot of Marriott Lighting Fixtures in Long Island City.  

What's this?  Could Val Demings really be leading Marco Rubio?  Was it maybe not a good idea to propose a cut to Social Security in a state known as "God's waiting room"?  Got a Bible quote to cover that, Marco?  And is the Republican Senatorial Committee really so short of cash that it is cancelling ads in Nevada, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and Arizona?  What happened to the Red Wave or the Red Menace or whatever it was called?  In a few weeks it might be called DCA (Dobbs Changed Everything).  Even MAGA is energized.  (That's Mothers Against Greg Abbott.)

If you voted in Georgia, Michigan or Nevada in 2020 there's a chance your data was "acquired" by a company called SullivanStrickler working for Trump's lawyers.  It's all just stunningly illegal and may initiate yet another "Witch Hunt!" of the tragically persecuted loser.  Maybe it's time to complete the Trump International Hotel and Tower in Baku, Azerbaijan, and start moving the fugitives in.  Thirty-three floors should be enough.