Priorities

 We're number one again!  Not in Olympic gold medals -- that's China -- but in covid cases.  Yes, the US has surpassed India and Brazil.  Thanks, Republican governors, Q cultists and social media, we couldn't have done it without you.  

Thanks, team captain Ron DeSantis, for your special efforts.  Your hospitals are overflowing and your schools will soon welcome maskless children, but you know what's important:  "I will not stand idly by as woke corporate ideologues seek to boycott and divest from our ally, Israel."  (Yes, he really said "stand idly by" and "woke.")  Ben & Jerry's, a Unilever company, has announced plans to close two stores in the occupied territories because they don't want brave occupiers to have access to Chunky Monkey.  This aggression will not stand.  If they fail to comply with Florida foreign policy, the state will institute its own boycott-and-divest, depriving Floridians of Hellman mayonnaise, Dove soap and other Unilever products.  Somehow.  Unilever is a British-based outfit with more than 400 brands, so I will now imagine travelers smuggling Lifebuoy soap in their luggage and men in shades selling Alberto-Culver shampoo out of cars with Virginia plates. 

Well, enough fun.  On to serious matters.  Japan presented Mike Pompeo with a bottle of whisky valued at $5,800 in 2019 but the State Department can't find it.  They've looked everywhere and all they find is more backward swastikas.  Kidding!  I'm sure Big Mike absent-mindedly slipped it into his pocket and took it home, completely absorbed in some more pressing matter like Hunter Biden's laptop.  And I'm equally sure he will now send it back.  Is Four Roses a Japanese product?

Tennessee's Titanic Museum Attraction is billed as the world's largest museum, a full-size replica of the White Star liner.  On Monday its full-size replica of an iceberg collapsed, injuring three people.  The TMA has since re-opened, but you're probably better off visiting the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky, where the only danger is that your little ones will ask how the armadillos and kangaroos got to the Middle East.  They grow up so fast and so sarcastic.  I blame the internet.

Barack Obama was planning a big 60th birthday party for himself on Martha's Vineyard when a lot of people suggested this would be a really bad idea in the face of a resurgent pandemic.  The guest list was cut drastically from 400 to family and a few friends, but that's not good enough for John Notfitzgerald Kennedy (R-LA).  "I've never seen something so irresponsible," he raged, unable to remember a single Trump rally, not even the one where Herman Cain caught the virus that killed him.  Kennedy recommends "a beer and personal pan pizza at home with his wife."  For years Republicans refused to admit that Obama was born in Hawaii.  Now they don't want his birth acknowledged at all unless they can tell him exactly how to celebrate it.   

Are you a "traditional, classic" American?  Do you believe in George Washington?  Then Uncle Newt  wants you.  You must know about "our history" and "the rule of law."  Yes, Gingrich actually said that seven months after Trump sent rioters to overturn the election.  No "radical left" and above all NO IMMIGRANTS.  Except from, you know, Norway.

Over in Budapest Viktor Orban was saying much the same thing about Hungary as an "ethnically homogenous" country, the immigration destination for western Europeans tired of living with those people.  It sounds like not much has changed since the Arrow Cross days.  Tucker Carlson and Steve King take note:  Orban expects all Hungarians to speak Hungarian, which is no picnic to master.

The Justice Department says the House Ways and Means Committee should get Trump's tax returns and Trump says they shouldn't because, while they're as pure as falling snow, it would be unfair to future presidents who might be involved with gangsters or Russian oligarchs.  That's Trump, always thinking of others. 

The CDC announced a sixty-day moratorium on evictions.  Score one for the Squad.