Help is on the way!

Lindsey Graham went to a party on Joe Manchin's houseboat -- no, this is not a sexy story (as far as I know) -- and has now tested positive for covid.  Covid-19.  You must have heard of it.  Anyway, Graham says his symptoms would be much worse if he had not been fully vaccinated.  He is isolating for ten days, which means this would be an excellent time to pass some bills or confirm some judges.  Especially if Manchin is sick, too.

Even if the successor to John C. Calhoun takes a turn for the worse, there is a miraculous cure available that will not alter your DNA or contaminate you with tissue from aborted fetuses or even require a prescription.  Not bleach, that's so 2020.  Ivermectin is bringing all the boys to the yard because if it de-worms cattle and horses it's a sure-fire anti-viral for smart humans like Joseph J. Flynn, brother of General Mickey Flynn and QAnon disciple.  He knows Ivermectin is being suppressed by "the criminal powers that be" who don't care about your health or whether you'll ever win a claiming race.  Because as Tom Cotton has to keep reminding us, "Nobody elected the CDC."  

J.D. Vance has been in politics about a month but he has figured out what's wrong with America:  Not enough Americans.  No, he's not calling for liberalized immigration laws, he's scolding Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, Cory Booker and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for not making babies.  The "childless left" (you're off the hook, Senator Graham) have "no physical commitment to the future of this country."  Vance's solution is to give votes to children but give control over their votes to their parents.  (Fetuses included, I assume, since life starts when Dad finishes.)   I have a question, J.D.:  What if the parents disagree on a candidate but have thoughtlessly produced an odd number of children?  Another question:  There are millions of blended families.  Would step-parents have the final choice, or biological?  Yet another question:  Why stop with praise of Viktor Orban?  Surely you know that both Hitler and Stalin awarded medals to women who gave multiple sons to the Fatherland/Motherland.  Vance cites "a ton of indicators" that family health is endangered and warns of a "civilizational crisis."  When they start talking about saving civilization, someone usually gets invaded.

Vance probably thought he won Misogynist of the Week with his "childless cat ladies" crack.  Sit down and watch the master at work, Jimmy.  In a speech to the "Statesmen's Dinner" in Nashville, Kevin McCarthy shared two of his cherished fantasies -- becoming Speaker of the House and attacking an 81-year-old grandmother with a hammer.  Big laughter.  Big man.  Only two kids, though.  (By the way, Jim Dave Vance has one.)

Speaking of cats, Steve Bouquet (you may remember him from The Hudsucker Proxy) was sentenced to five years for stabbing nine cats to death in Brighton.  Because the UK abolished the death penalty.

Olympic sprinter Krystsina Tsimanouskaya was granted political asylum in Poland after team officials tried to force her to return to Belarus against her will.  I may be wrong but I believe she is the highest profile defector from the former USSR since Mikhail Baryshnikov.

Officer Gunther Hashida of the DC Metropolitan Police, who defended against the Trump coup attempt, committed suicide on July 29.  I'm sure it had nothing to do with the sneering response to the testimony of four fellow officers two days earlier.  The eighteen-year veteran is the third post-riot police suicide.

On a lighter note, there's a spy at Newsmax:

With a sense of fun.