Leftovers

 I am informed that Chris Christie is the latest member of the previous administration to publish a book.  Of course Christie was a member of the previous administration solely in his own mind, because Trump repaid his early endorsement by treating him like something the cat kills and leaves in the middle of the bed for you.  He was put in charge of the transition and then his work was consigned to the dumpster along with the Obama pandemic preparedness plan.  He hung around like the nineteenth kid, the one who wasn't even picked last for the baseball game, periodically tweeting praise of Trump in the hope of a chance to pinch-hit.  And he's as oblivious as ever; the object is called Republican Rescue:  Saving the Party From Truth Deniers, Conspiracy Theorists, and the Dangerous Policies of Joe Biden, a title which represents a day's reading for the average Trumpanzee.  He "feels compelled to weigh in" on the lies and grievances that cost his beloved party the House, Senate and White House all at once, for the first time since 1932.  He's not at all happy about the failed coup, probably because it failed.  He thinks he's the man who -- look, he'll be hitting the chat shows any time now, let him tell it.

I have only one question.  How do you undergo bariatric surgery without losing a pound?  Not body shaming, asking for a friend.  

Rebuffed by the Republicans, Nancy Pelosi has introduced legislation to permit the establishment of a Failed Coup Commission they can whine about.  She will choose eight of its thirteen members and is thinking of wasting one of her chips on a Republican.  Surely Joe Biden could have done this in January without asking anybody's permission, as Lyndon Johnson did with the Warren Commission.  

An informal straw poll of New York Republicans resulted in zero votes for up-and-coming Andrew Giuliani.  Rep. Lee Zeldin got 85%, Rob Astorino 5%, and ten percent chose Abstain over Son of Rudolph.  It looks like the Giuliani dynasty won't be moving into the governor's mansion next year.

The "elitist snobs" at Vogue are putting a doctor on their next cover and it's Dr. Jill Biden.   Another slap in the Botox to Melania Trump, Woman of the People.

Guatemala says Russia has failed to deliver a batch of Sputnik V covid vaccine and they would like a refund.  Production problems in the Motherland?

Remember Sonny Perdue, worthless governor turned worthless Secretary of Agriculture?  Well, I swan.  It looks like ag behemoth Archer-Daniels-Midland sold him a piece of land in South Carolina at a fire-sale price just before he took over the DoA.  I'm sure he would have been their friend anyway but it never hurts to make sure.  You know, keep your friends close and your regulators supine.

Help is on the...way?  Republican governors are responding to Greg Abbott's bat signal by ordering National Guard members to the southern border for a little media theater.  First to ride over the ridge are Kristi Noem's cavalry.  I hope they brought tanks -- those barefoot kids look scary.  I also hope nothing bad happens back home, like some dumb ditz setting off fireworks at Mount Rushmore on July 4 and starting a wildfire.  Yup, sure hope.

Have to get a bigger couch.  Or just make space on the doofus divan for Harris Faulkner, who's ready for her close-up.  Today Faulkner declared the 150 or so dead in the Champlain Tower collapse "part of God's plan" and blamed those imaginary Democrats intent on defunding the police.  But then isn't defunding the police also part of the plan?  Never mind, Harris, I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Is she crazier than Tucker Carlson, who claims the NSA is spying on him?  I don't even know what crazy sounds like anymore.  Maybe it sounds like demon dentist Paul Gosar, who's holding a fundraiser with Holocaust-denying white supremacist Nick Fuentes.  And yet the Gosar family begs people not to vote for him.  Puzzling.

Margie Greene is on "Drive-time with Steve Bannon" so often she's practically his Robin Quivers.  Today she gave out the personal phone number of the National Children's Museum director because it includes anti-racism material on its website.  Bannon then urged "patriots" to crash said website.  When they did, he was so excited he needed a shower, as usual.  Maybe Pelosi should put the cow on some dead-end committees so she has less time to harass museums, make speeches, stalk other members of Congress and overdose on synthetic estrogen.  Too much is as bad as too little, honey.  Just wait out the hot flashes, OK?