Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Stars fell on Alabama

When it became clear that Doug Jones would be Alabama's next Senator, a lot of people ordered in food and sat up for the inevitable Shitter-Twitter.  At 6:22 a.m. this classic appeared:

"The reason I originally endorsed Luther Strange (and his numbers went up mightily), is that I said Roy Moore will not be able to win the General Election.  I was right!  Roy worked hard but the deck was stacked against him!"

Let's review.  Semi-literate random capitalization, check.  Trump is always right, check.  Election probably "rigged," check.  (Moore couldn't win because "the deck was stacked," not because he's a racist theocrat with a thing for underage girls.)  Not my fault he lost because I only campaigned for him in Pensacola and spent most of my "speech" attacking Hillary Clinton.  They should have listened to me and nominated Strange, check (but no explicit criticism of Bannon).  Lying media, like the three Alabama papers which ran that unprecedented front-page editorial.  Disloyal Republicans, like Sen. Richard Shelby, who wrote in somebody else (as did more than twenty thousand other voters).  All those women in the pay of George Soros.

Needs more exclamation points!!

Trump's history with elections is not an easy one, as detailed by today's New York Daily News.  In last month's election he (theoretically) supported Nicole Malliotakis against Bill DeBlasio, "the worst Mayor in the history of NYC."  After obtaining write-in ballots, however, the Trump family had trouble following the instructions.  Melania forgot to sign the outside of the envelope, Ivanka neglected to mail hers until Election Day (too late to count), and Jared Kushner never voted at all.  As for the head of state, his ballot is still being reviewed because he got his date of birth wrong.  Maybe next year let Barron supervise this complicated process, if he finishes his homework.

Bannon the King-Maker had a worse night than even Roy Moore, but perhaps it's time to put him in perspective, and then throw him away.  He thinks he's the party philosopher, but he's really just a latter-day Abbie Hoffman.  What Bannon calls the "deep state," Hoffman and his fellow Yippies called "the establishment," and they were just as effective at ending it.  The difference is that they had a sense of fun.  Throwing money onto the floor of the New York Stock Exchange and making the traders dive for it -- genius.  Although Bannon and the Yippies share an aversion to bathing, that's about all they share.  No style, no charisma, just bottomless self-regard.  We're done with you, Bannon.  You can go back to Goldman Sachs now.


Blogger The New York Crank said...

They won't let Steve back into Goldman Sachs. Nobody told me that, but if he ever tries, betcha I'm right.

Yours crankily,
The New York Crank

8:35 PM  

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