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[exasperated sigh]

Is is asking too much for British royalty to marry women who know enough to keep their shirts on outdoors?  A seven-year-old knows there is no place on this planet where you can't be seen and photographed.  If the papparazzi don't zero in on you, a satellite will, or a gardener with a cell phone.  If you need to be brown all over, buy a tanning bed.

And is it asking too much for American politicians to remember that every word they speak in the presence of another person is being recorded?  This is true whether it's an offhand remark about Kanye West or an astonishingly candid admission that you don't give a damn about nearly half the people you desperately want to govern. 

I sit here trying to find out what's happening in the world and how the two-wild-card system will affect the baseball postseason, and all I get is Kate & Mitt (i.e. tits & ass).  And Muslims frantically calling my attention to some nickel-and-dime video nobody would ever have seen if they hadn't decided to make it this year's Danish cartoon.  If they calm down and go home, I won't point out that the new president of Egypt looks like a tubby David Mamet.  Although he does.

Summer's over, people.  Time to stop drinking the silly cider and act like adults.