Monday, November 06, 2006

Holiday for voters

What do Texas and New York have in common? Not much, you're probably thinking. But tomorrow voters in those states have an opportunity to vote for colorful gubernatorial candidates who don't stand a chance. Kinky Friedman is running in Texas as an independent, and Malachy McCourt is the Green Party candidate in New York. Neither was invited to the Big Official Debates because they would have cleaned the clocks of their grayface opponents. Since there's no guarantee your vote will even be counted, why not get a little thrill from your thirty seconds inside the Booth of Democracy?

I plan to vote for Malachy, as he prefers to be addressed, because Eliot Spitzer has such a gigantic lead over the other guy, he can't possibly need me. I'm exhausted by Spitzer, whose ads began running, I'm pretty sure, during the Super Bowl. A lot of people think he's already the governor, including Spitzer. He showed his class by de-endorsing Alan Hevesi at the first sign of trouble, and disinviting him to the victory party. It's going to be one of those administrations.

Hevesi I will vote for, because his race is closer. The Republicans must be pounding their heads on their desks for not nominating someone a little more confidence-inducing to run against him when he seemed unbeatable. Mr. Callaghan (I think that's his name) may be a financial wizard, but he looks as if he couldn't keep the books of the Applepicker County PTA. A grownup haircut and a suit that fits would help. Sure, Hevesi broke the law by getting a state car and driver for his wife, but he's been more than competent as comptroller and I don't care. If a preponderance of voters agree with me tomorrow, that should be the end of it. If they vote him out, that's pure democracy in action, and if they don't, our lame-duck governor and his toothy pal Bruno in the State Senate should let the matter drop. Then Pataki can hurry on back to Budapest, where he's evidently establishing residence. How clever of him to realize he has a better shot at becoming prime minister of Hungary than president of the United States.

And what if Kinky and Malachy manage to pull off dazzling upset victories? I hear you ask. Aren't they completely unqualified for the offices they seek? Happily, no. The job of governor has been performed by the likes of Lester Maddox, Ronald Reagan, Jesse Ventura, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mitt Romney and the Bush brothers. The only requirements would seem to be a pulse and a change of clothes. If anything, Friedman and McCourt are over-qualified.

As for the Senate, I don't think I can pull the lever for Hillary "I Voted For the War But I've Changed My Mind" Clinton. I'll have to see who the Greens are running. I have no idea because I didn't get a sample ballot from the Board of Elections. I also don't know if our old clunk-clunkers have given way to snazzy touch-screen models, or whether I need a photo ID. I'm only sure that the line will be slow because of an apparent requirement that poll workers prove they voted in the Smith-Hoover election of 1928. Never have I seen anyone behind the big book who wasn't at least 75, and mine being a reasonably common name, the search can be excruciating. The price of freedom.

2 Comments:

Blogger Askinstoo said...

Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't
quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for
different ways to earn money... I did find this though...
a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

9:20 PM  
Blogger Askinstoo said...

Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't
quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for
different ways to earn money... I did find this though...
a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

10:08 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home