Friday, June 18, 2021

The eve of Juneteenth

So much butthurt over one holiday, which I'm told has been observed in Texas for years.  Remember when Bill Clinton was called "the first Black president"?  Biden might be the second.  Certainly he got a higher percentage of the Black vote thanks to Jim Clyburn and many others.  He's also the second Catholic president -- or is he?  The bishops have stopped shielding child abusers long enough to draft a plan to deny him communion because he supports reproductive choice.  First Catholic president who isn't a serial adulterer and these whited sepulchers want to cut him off.

Politics and religion is always a toxic soup for rational people, but it's starting to sicken the believers, too.  At Ralph Reed's Faith and Freedom shindig in Orlando, Mike Pence was booed for his failure to break the law and his oath of office last January.  A MAGAt named Hurley vented, "We need to stop being so damned nice!  Why is Pence coming today?  Donald Trump has his pen in his back still!"  Ah, yes, the Stab in the Back.  I was waiting for that one.

And now, a bit of fun:  According to the Wall Street Journal, Enrique Tarrio, former Proud Boys CEO, is selling Black Lives Matter shirts and "Impeach 45" gear to pay the rent.  I guess being an FBI snitch is not as profitable as it used to be.

Speaking of the feds, the hot new conspiracy theory burning up the right is a recycled version of "false flag" -- the FBI staged the coup attempt to discredit Trump and his followers.  As we know, World War II was the first false-flag, designed to make Hitler look bad.  It did get a bit out of hand toward the end.

It occurs to me that if the cunning Chinese are seeking superior DNA they shouldn't be targeting Americans, despite this being the greatest, bestest, most amazing country ever.  In winter sports the powers are Germany, Austria, Norway, Canada and (in speed skating) the Netherlands, Russia being usually banned for drug cheating.  We excel in figure skating.  Why would they want super-soldiers who can land a triple axel to the tune of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah"?  Tom Cotton has a head full of boll weevils.  

Politico obtained a recording of Florida Republican Congressional candidate William Braddock chatting about the regrettable need to send "a Russian and Ukrainian hit squad" to make his primary opponent Anna Paulina Luna "disappear."  You know, "for the good of the people of the United States of America," nothing personal.  Rep. Kinzinger, what was that about "how low we can get"?  Braddock says the recording was made without his permission and also it's not his voice, which is called covering all your bases.

According to a YouGov poll, Joe Biden has a favorability rating among Republicans of 14% against Vladimir Putin's 18%.  That should ruin Fathers Day for Joe. 

I smell trolling.  A woman in Canada has electrified the Q Continuum by claiming that Elizabeth II was executed (they love that stuff) and that she is the real Queen of Canada.  She is also "head of state and commander in chief of Canada, the republic," which makes no sense.  What if I tell you her name, Romana Didulo, is an anagram of "I am our Donald"?  Who's behind this, Andy Borowitz?

Tokyo will host the Olympics this summer with or without spectators.  Also without middle-distance runner Shelby Houlihan, who tested positive for a banned substance.  Houlihan blames the result on a burrito she bought from a truck in Beaverton, Oregon.  This is why I never ask for the pork with extra nandralone.  All the participants are getting mixed signals from Olympic organizers, who are distributing 160,000 free condoms while warning that "unnecessary forms of physical contact" are forbidden.  Define "unnecessary" to thousands of fit young people sharing a Village.  

This is Lake Oroville, in California.  Can we now agree that global warming is real?




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