Friday, February 22, 2019


Schadenfreude:  pleasure derived from the misfortune of another

Admit it.  It's universal.  But how often does that clown who just flipped you off drive into a telephone pole and explode in flames while you watch?  Most freude is necessarily second-hand, which doesn't diminish its crunchy goodness.

Let's start with the least consequential.  Patriots owner and Trump* buddy Robert Kraft was arrested in a sting operation at a "day spa" in Jupiter, Florida, a short drive from the Mer-a-Lago Happy-Time White House/Country Club/Grift Lounge and World's Least Appealing Omelet Bar.  This place charges a top price of $79 for the one-hour "massage," so, you know, not high-end for Palm Beach County.  I guess that's how he can afford Tom Brady's contract.  Please insert underinflated-balls joke here.

The joy of watching Rightzis attack one another like rutting deer went international this week.  In addition to Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh, Trump is getting bollocked by Doug Ford, the right-wing premier of Ontario, who pointed out that his easy-to-win tariff war is hurting American companies much worse than Canada.  In other trade-wars-are-fun news, nearly eight billion dollars has been paid to American farmers to compensate them for the loss of foreign markets like China.  To put that in perspective, Trump shut down the government and caused economic chaos and irreparable damage to millions of people and multiple public sites for over a month for five billion dollars in WALL funding, which he didn't get anyway.  He's right about one thing:  So much winning, we won't be able to stand much more.

Jeffrey Epstein thought his underage-sex-ring problem was behind him, but looks like not.  Why is this amusing?  A list of his pricey attorneys was published and a couple of famous names jumped out:  Alan Dershowitz, anchor of the Simpson "dream team" and increasingly unhinged Trumpite; and Kenneth Starr, scourge of those immoral Clintons.  The latter has a book out, dragging Bill and (especially) Hillary over the jagged rocks again but curiously silent on the rapey-athletes scandal which he ignored as president of Baylor University, a job from which he was shit-canned.  But hey, this White House is always hiring.

It looks like the North Carolina 9th will be holding a do-over election after the Republican candidate, former Baptist pastor Mark Harris, admitted to election fraud so egregious, even Stacey Abrams murmured, "That shit is fucked up."  (No, she didn't, she is a gracious woman who would not use such language, so I used it for her.)  Harris had his guy going around to the homes of people who requested mail-in ballots and posing as the Official Ballot Collector.  Vladimir Putin said, "You can do this?"  So the reverend gets to run again, because...I don't know.

I didn't know who Keith Ablow was without doing some research.  It seems that in addition to peddling nutritional supplements on the no-name cable channels and spewing nonsense on Fox News (rape is the result of women wearing revealing clothes, men should have veto power over abortions, gay men are obsessed with sex), he also has a private psychiatric practice.  Three female patients are suing him over what they consider less than professional behavior -- drugging them with Ketamine, beating them, forcing one to get a tattoo of his name.  It does seem less DSM IV than Fifty Shades of Grey.  Well, why would anyone expect Fox doctors to be better than Fox lawyers (or judges)?  Clearly these women were just asking for it.

Next week is Paul Manafort Sentencing Day!  Share it with someone you love.

*"I think maybe I met him once.  He asked me for help recruiting players.  I don't really know him.  The NFL is a disgrace because they don't fire all those ungrateful players who hate the troops."  (Trump)


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