Sunday, February 24, 2019


Young children love glitz.  They even like clowns, sometimes.  Halloween is their Super Bowl.  They adore KISS not for the music but for the makeup (I'm told).  And their latest favorite thing is being read to by drag queens.  Public libraries have sponsored such events all over the country, and not one five-year-old has been molested or "turned gay."  Of course, this has not deterred the Usual Gangs of Idiots from showing up in full Westboro Baptist Church drag and attempting to crush this source of innocent pleasure.  Parents, I'm glad to say, are ignoring them.

Adults need a little joy, too, but it can be hard to find.  As you know, the War on Christmas ended in unconditional surrender, and we can say "Merry Christmas" again, even if it's April.  Today came the opening shot of the War on Independence Day:

"HOLD THE DATE!  We will be having one of the biggest gatherings in the history of Washington, DC on July 4th.  It will be called 'A Salute To America' and will be held at the Lincoln Memorial, with a major fireworks display, entertainment, and an address by your favorite President, me!"

All I can say is, it's about time.  Americans have been ashamed to say "Happy Fourth of July" for too long.  Fireworks are not just for New Year's Eve, you know.  As for entertainment, may I suggest some sort of symphony orchestra?  Very classy.  They should play the "1812 Overture," which is the finest piece ever scored for cannons.  I think it's about the War of 1812.  "A Salute To America" -- how does he come up with these in addition to scorching nicknames like Little Marco, Little Adam Schitt and That Dumb Southerner Sessions?  VGB*, huh?  And since July 4 is a weekday, why not make it a national holiday?  If this is as fantastically popular as it sounds like being, we could maybe hold it every year!  Like the French.  I'll bet that's where he got the idea.

Unless it rains, then forget it.

*Very Good Brain.


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