Tuesday, March 11, 2008

This just in

With all media eyes focused on Eliot Spitzer's crotch, the Sky brings you the news you may have missed, stories they would otherwise be fixated on:

  • Admiral William Fallon has resigned as head of Central Command, paving the way for an attack on Iran by the lunatics in the Cheney-Bush regime.
  • The Federal Reserve is allowing Wall Street banks to borrow money on mortgage debt, as Ben Bernanke frantically tries to patch up the leaking rowboat he inherited from Alan Greenspan.
  • A national study reveals that one teenage girl in four has a sexually transmitted disease. Since the study only involved girls who regularly receive medical care, the actual figure is probably much higher. Apparently the "abstinence only" surge is working.
  • Barack Obama won the Mississippi primary, even though many polling places ran out of paper ballots for the "Democrat Party" by 10:30 am. He got another boost from intemperate comments by Geraldine Ferraro, a Clinton supporter, who accused him of getting a free ride from the media because of his race. Ms. Ferraro, meet Mr. Limbaugh.
  • Andre Carson has won a special election in the 7th District of Indiana for the House seat held by his late grandmother, Julia Carson. He becomes (cue scary music) the second Muslim in Congress.
  • The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame has finally run out of real rockers, and has inducted Madonna and Leonard Cohen.
You're welcome.


Blogger Quacko said...

Hi there, girlie-
I have insomnia and am still sick- I just finished reading the NYT in the last hour.
Right on the money -as always. The last nail was reading the op-ed about the poor and near poor and how we never save a nickel.
My bankruptcy packet for a lawyer is on the way from Lutheran Social Services..
xox Yours in late night postings,

12:36 AM  

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