Landfall

 "When they go low, we go high."  -- Michelle Obama

Viciously homophobic Congressman Spencer Roach says he lost his house in North Fort Myers.  He has moved into the district office where he plotted to end Disney's special tax status because of its "woke ideology."  More recently he boasted of meeting Lara Trump and sharing giggles over the fifty "lucky migrants" shipped to Martha's Vineyard.  If you want to chat with the Roach you'll find him at the head of the line for that Democrat-Socialist disaster relief.  

On January 6, 2021, Mark Meadows got a text from Ginni Thomas:  "Do not concede.  It takes time for the army who is gathering for his back."  Translated into English this appears to mean, "Overturn the election result and install Trump for the foreseeable future."  The House Select Committee has shared many of her texts from coup day, larded with QAnon gibberish and calling Biden's election "the greatest Heist of our History."  What is it with Trumpanzees and random capitalizations?  Anyway, it's clear she needs to be indicted just like the idiots who put on costumes and stormed the Capitol, and her husband needs to be impeached if he won't resign.  He's currently hospitalized, which gives me hope because the other two probably won't happen.

The traitor's legal team chose Raymond Dearie from a short list to be the special master they demanded in the stolen documents case, hoping to delay the inevitable.  Dearie ruled within hours that the Justice Department could proceed.  Now it's Aileen Cannon's turn to overrule him and give her patron more time to "prove" that the classified materials were planted by the FBI.  I must have been distracted by the hurricane -- I thought that excuse had been abandoned around the time Trump told Sean Hannity he could declassify documents by closing his eyes and imagining them harmless to national security.  Or maybe it was way back when he told Maggie Haberman he still had his love letters from Kim Jong-un.  I hope Mr. Dearie got paid up front.

Even as the west suffered unprecedented drought and a monster hurricane devastated Florida, America's Dumbest Senator continued to insist that climate change is "bullshit."  So some activists from MoveOn and NextGen PAC visited Milwaukee with a six-foot, eighty-pound "scatue" of Ron Johnson made from cow manure.  

It's not bad, but the sculptor made the expression too intelligent.

Worried that their party's position on abortion and LGBTQ rights was not driving away enough young voters, six red states are suing the Biden administration to stop its plan to forgive student loans.  Also this week 49 Republicans voted against Rep. Mary Peltola's bill to establish an office of food security for veterans through the VA.  Whether you served in the military or incurred debt going to college, the Republicans hate you.

As a public service, Fox News brought in Michael "Heck of a Job" Brown to share his Katrina-era expertise with emergency administrators.  At around the same time, failed Congressional candidates DeAnna Lorraine and Lauren Witzke were explaining how the Deep State intensified Ian to "punish" Ron De Santis.  So now everybody in The Villages knows why their condos are underwater.

Too soon!  Baby Tuckoo thinks it's "unseemly and anti-human" to mention climate change while Hurricane Ian is still raging.  As with the tenuous connection between guns and mass murder, he'll let us know when the discussion window is open.  Too late!

And finally, Adam Hageman was sentenced to five-and-a-half years for possession of child pornography.  He was lured from a job with Charlie Kirk and Turning Point USA to the Commerce Department as part of Trump's global crackdown on child traffickers.  Apparently.