This just in...

The White House Easter Egg event has been put on hold, pending consideration of Rep. Zeke Flyover's Chickenhood Amendment.  This bill defines all fertilized eggs as chickens, and requires that they be set aside for use in chicken salad sandwiches.  Said Rep. Flyover, "If you think making chicken sandwiches from an egg is silly, it's no sillier than calling a zygote a person."

Dennis Rodman has returned from North Korea with some explaining to do.  While attending a Harlem Globetrotters game in Pyongyang with Kim Jong-Un, a/k/a The Plump Leader, he persuaded Kim to bet on the Generals, insisting that "They're due!"  When he learned that the Generals never ever win a game, ever, Kim was furious.  Haircut notwithstanding, he hates to look ridiculous and has announced the resumption of the Korean War.  When advised that the People's Democratic Republic would not be able to count on the assistance of the Chinese army this time, Kim said he would call off the war if Rodman returns his fifty dollars.