Friday, March 16, 2012

They didn't beat the Reaper

OUT-OF-SHAPE RAGEAHOLIC DIES AFTER NIGHT OF DRINKING

No, not very heroic.

ANDREW BREITBART, CONSERVATIVE WARRIOR, MURDERED BY OBAMA

There you go.

As is now well known, Breitbart was about to blow the lid off. He was about to kick it old-school. He was about to let slip the dogs of war, doing to Obama what he had already done to Shirley Sherrod and ACORN. But the wily Kenyan's ninja assassins must have made off with the dynamite, because what Sean Hannity courageously salvaged was pretty thin gruel. Of course, the assassination theory would gain credence if Hannity were to die mysteriously. How about it, Sean, want to take one for America?

As of tonight, the Los Angeles coroner has not released the autopsy results, but that might be out of deference to the family. There's a rumor going around that Breitbart choked to death while fellating Jon Voight. I know because I started it myself, which makes it just as accurate as anything Breitbart ever posted.

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Peter Bergman died last week at 72, from leukemia. You don't know who Peter Bergman was? I suppose you know Davy Jones died, and that he was one of the fake rock band The Monkees. You know The Monkees but you don't know The Firesign Theater? That's pathetic.

Firesign was inevitably compared to Monty Python's Flying Circus and its radio ancestor The Goon Show, but that doesn't really tell you much about its deeply layered, hallucinatory work employing every resource of the human mind and the recording studio. At its best it improvised like a jazz quartet, weaving used car pitchmen, James Joyce, old movies and compulsive wordplay into an aural epic that was more like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (in its original radio form) than any comedy record before or since. Firesign came out of the 1960s but refused to succumb to mysticism or mere protest, flaying the groovy and the gray-faced alike. "What do I know?" asked Montaigne. Firesign's post-quantum response: "Everything you know is wrong."

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