Friday, July 16, 2021

Happy talk

 Fire, floods, pandemic, rioting, violence -- we need a break.  Today I promise nothing but good news.

Here we go:  William Regnery II is dead.  The financier of racism, fascism and white nationalism was eighty and is best remembered for the utterly mad Operation Dewdrop, a plan to make it rain on Election Day in 1964 by seeding the clouds over Philadelphia.  (It is well known that Democrats won't vote when it's raining.)  His uncle Henry founded the press that bears their name to publish books rejected by real publishers, Josh Hawley's being the most recent example.    So take heart:  they all die.

And now a heartwarming story for victims of domestic/athlete violence:  Kalabrya Gondrezick-Haskins has been arrested for punching her husband, Steelers quarterback Dwayne Haskins, and knocking out one of his teeth.  The couple were in Las Vegas to renew their vows.  Of course all domestic violence is terrible, terrible...

This is cocaine made to look like charcoal.  A shipment of it with a street value of over $41 million was seized at the port of Rotterdam by customs officials curious about who would ship 2,000 bags of charcoal from South America.  Why is this good news?  If science can make coke look like charcoal it can probably come up with an answer to pyrocumulonimbus clouds.  The sooner the better.

It's not just Arizona Republicans who resist reality.  Subway has gone full-on TRUE THE VOTE!! in the face of multiple laboratory findings that its tuna sandwich contains no discernible tuna DNA.  And in other sandwich intransigence news, Lindsey Graham is disappointed by Notre Dame because 180 students and faculty signed a letter opposing the presence of notoriously homophobic Chik-fil-A on campus.  He proclaimed, "I want everyone in South Carolina and across America to know I have Chik-fil-A's back.  I hope we don't have to, but I will go to war for the principles Chik-fil-A stands for."  But can you make war from inside a closet?  

Alan Dershowitz entered the lion's den (the Fox News studio) and told SpongeSean Squareface "the evidence seems to strongly suggest" the election was not stolen.  So could somebody on the Vineyard please invite him to an A-list cocktail party?

Leonnig and Rucker's I Alone Can Fix It is shaping up to be the fun read of the summer.  The authors say that on January 6 Mike Pence was under guard in his second-floor office but the windows worried the Secret Service.  They urged him to leave, but he feared that seeing his twenty-car motorcade depart would encourage the patriotic tourists to become too friendly.  (Some of these clowns didn't even know the Speaker does not have a seat in the Senate chamber.)  The agents took him to a subterranean area and tried to put him in a car, but Pence evidently panicked and thought they would kidnap him in furtherance of Trump's coup.  Meanwhile Trump was accusing him of lacking the "courage" to somehow stop the certification and the tourists had erected a scaffold.  Well, you wanted to be vice-president, Mike.  You should have done a search on John Nance Garner first.

Back in January Ian Rogers told his friend Jarrod Copeland, "I want to blow up a democrat building bad...after the 20th we go to war."  No, you go to jail, you and Jarrod.  They've been arrested for conspiring to blow up the Democratic Party headquarters in Sacramento.  The feds even confiscated their "white privilege cards."  Wouldn't be valid in prison anyway.

Trump says he regrets not lowering flags in honor of angel-martyr Ashli Babbitt, possibly because he never heard of her until Gosar the demon dentist starting ranting about her a few weeks ago.  Well, Donnie, tomorrow when you hit the links you can order all eighteen of those silly little flags to fly at half staff.  It's more than a violent seditionist deserves but if it makes you happy...



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