Wednesday, January 02, 2019

'Twas the night before Nancy...

In less than twenty-four hours the new Congress will open for business.  I may sit up all night with C-SPAN 3 (that's the House) so as not to miss a minute.  Willard "Mitt" Romney, freshman Senator, is already in town giving interviews, trying to distance himself from Trump in advance of voting the orthodox Republican line on every terrible judicial appointment and vicious piece of legislation.  Like the late John McCain, he's only a maverick in his own preening press releases, though he has the distinction of being the first ex-governor of Massachusetts to represent Utah in the Senate.  One day he will achieve fame as a Jeopardy! question ("Political Freaks for two hundred, please, Alex").

Harry Reid has pancreatic cancer, and today he got some things off his chest:  "[Trump] is not immoral but is amoral.  Amoral is when you shoot someone in the head, it doesn't make a difference.  No conscience.  I think he is without question the worst president we've ever had.  We've had some bad ones, and there's not even a close second to him."  Which pretty much covers it.  Thank you for your service, Senator, and ignore all the social media ghouls gloating about your imminent death -- they're amoral, too.

Steve Doocy is scared.  Jane Curtin, one of America's premier comic actors and a founding Not Ready For Prime Time player, announced a New Year's resolution to "make sure the Republican Party dies."   Being humor deficient, Doocy was sure she "wants to murder people."  To be on the safe side, he invited a "humor expert" named Michael Loftus (I never heard of him either) to join him on the Couch of Wisdom and sure enough, Loftus agrees that Curtin is very dangerous.  It was a joke, you planks.

To impress them with his seriousness and all, Trump met Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi in the Situation Room, usually off limits to all but the national security people and visiting Russians.  Also that meeting in the Oval didn't go very well, and he's too fat to be comfortable in the chairs.  Schumer asked why the disastrous government shutdown is approaching the two-week mark, and all he could get was that ending it would make Trump "look foolish," which happened some time during the Nixon administration.  Then there was more ranting about WALL.  He thinks there's one around the Vatican and you wouldn't call the Catholic Church immoral, would you?  (Well...)  Also, he knows more about drones than anybody, he knows more than all the generals, he's totally popular in Europe and could win elections there, and NO COLLUSION.  If Trump wasn't such a stable genius, I'd say he's slipped the surly bonds of sanity at the prospect of all those committees and all those Democrats and the Mueller report yet to come.

You know who could use a wall?  Turkey.  According to the New York Times, nearly a million Turks have emigrated in the past three years, unhappy with the rule of Trump's good friend Recep Erdogan.  The country is being emptied of money and talent, with western Europe the chief beneficiary.  I don't usually make predictions, but I think something similar will happen now that Jair Bolsonaro has assumed the presidency of Brazil.  (Mike Pompeo was there to give this thug America's seal of approval, and the destruction of the rain forest and the indigenous people will begin in a few hours.)  Another wall?  Walls are pretty good for keeping people in (Gaza, East Berlin, the Warsaw ghetto), not so much for keeping them out.  Not since those two Ohio kids invented the flying machine.

A woman named Maria Butina has pleaded guilty to acting as an unregistered agent of the Russian government, and testified before one of Mueller's grand juries.  In a clumsy act of retaliation, the Russians have arrested an American named Paul Whelan and accused him of espionage.  Word is, they want to swap him for Butina before she can reveal anything else about NO COLLUSION.  Happy New Year from the boss in the Kremlin, Donnie.

Any minute now, the Chinese Chang'e 4 lunar vehicle will land on the dark side of the moon.  Expect a large number of Pink Floyd references, especially from those perky folks who populate the morning shows.  I remember when Americans did cool stuff like that.  Whatever became of them?



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