Wednesday, January 09, 2019

Glass half full

It's not all bad, this shutdown.

It's educational.  Did you know there's something called the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau?  I didn't.  They have to approve alcoholic beverages and their labels, and they're currently "on furlough."  So the Tin Man Brewery of Kokomo, Indiana, had to postpone the introduction of its new beer with a blend of hemp and hibiscus.  It's bad for the company, which can't market its product.  On the other hand, hibiscus.

It's exciting.  Back when the Department of Agriculture's food inspectors were on the job, there were sporadic outbreaks of salmonella and e-coli.  Now it's anybody's guess what those salad-eating elitists are consuming.  Russian roulette, with arugula!  Do you feel lucky, punk?

It's challenging.  Ask the 8,500 civilian employees of the Coast Guard, who got five pages of helpful suggestions on How to Survive.  Examples:  hold a garage sale, become a dog walker and/or babysitter, be a "mystery shopper," whatever that is.  And do it now, before the TSA agents snap up all the best gigs.  "Bankruptcy is a last option," it says, no doubt inspired by a certain bonehead casino owner.  The CG has always complained of being disrespected -- my father referred to it as "the knee-deep navy" and he was in the Merchant Marine -- and this is not going to enhance morale.  A lot of these people qualify for a housing allowance because they have to live in expensive coastal cities.  I hope they have understanding landlords, because babysitters and dog walkers don't even make minimum wage.

It's egalitarian.  The National Gallery of Art and the Library of Congress are closed to students, researchers, tourists, coal miners, truck drivers and Proud Boys alike.  Share the pain.

It's peaceful.  The White House switchboard is closed, but almost no one works there anyway.



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