Wednesday, January 25, 2023

Laughing on the inside

 Convicted procurer Ghislaine Maxwell granted an interview to a UK outfit called Talk TV in which she said that the photo of Virginia Giuffre with Prince Andrew is a fake, that Jeffrey Epstein was murdered, and that the tofu served in her Florida prison is tasteless and needs seasoning.  (She won't eat meat.)  The interviewer was Jeremy Kyle, whose show was cancelled after a guest committed suicide, and who made Maury Povich look like Edward R. Murrow.  Speculation is that Maxwell is trying to rehabilitate the prince's reputation in time for his brother's coronation and thus get herself moved to a British prison where they serve quality vegan cuisine.

The US, Germany and Poland are sending tanks to Ukraine at last, and the Russian ambassador to Germany lost no time in invoking "the terrible, timeless crimes of Nazism."  Yes, Sergei, that's why we're fighting fascists like your boss this time.  "Deliveries of gas chambers are also expected," har har.  Fact check:  the USSR never acknowledged the Holocaust, most of which occurred in Belarus, Ukraine and Russia.  Murdered Jews were folded into the deaths of "Soviet citizens."  For further details see Timothy Snyder's Bloodlands.

"Mike Pence is an innocent man.  He never did anything knowingly dishonest in his life.  Leave him alone!!!"  Who said it?  I guess the three slammers give it away.  The one time Pence did nothing "knowingly dishonest" (or couldn't find a quasi-legal way to do it), it was "HANG MIKE PENCE!" and the future proprietor of Ministry of Truth Social pointedly refused to call off his trumpanzees.  What a difference a cache of classified documents makes.

I don't know one Fox News pundit from another.  Is Jesse Watters supposed to be the funny one or is that Greg Gutfeld or that drunk lady judge?  Watters seemed really annoyed about the Pence Papers.  "I mean, he could have just destroyed it.  We never would have known."  So hard to tell when they're trying to bring the funny.  

Astonishingly, there seem to be some irregularities in George Santos's amended FEC filing, like a whole load of contributions of $199.99, just under the ruble reporting limit.  Squeaker McCarthy says if he's "done anything illegal" he just might be asked to please remove himself from Congress, maybe.  He'll have to run it past Empty Greene first, so...

Santos also ran face-first into the buzzsaw wit of Louisiana's own John "Boss Hogg" Kennedy, who called him "nutty as a fruitcake" and "a bunny boiler."  "Language like that is hurtful and divisive and has no place in Congress," he pouted.  Four years of it in the White House, on the other hand, no problema.  (Portuguese)

Human sausage casing Mike Pompeo wants to be president so he's "written" a "book," always a good first step.  Draw folks in with your irrepressible sense of humor.  The murder-dismemberment of Jamal Khashoggi happened when he was Secretary of State.  Khashoggi held Saudi and US citizenship and worked for an American newspaper, so a normal Secretary of State would at least have made inquiries as to his whereabouts.  That didn't happen, of course, and now Pompeo wants to explain why:  Far from being a "martyr" Khashoggi was "an activist who had supported the losing team," which is why the winning team was perfectly justified in making him into dog food.  Nobody would care had he not been a journalist; it was the media that kept the story on page one, "madder than a vegan in a slaughterhouse."  (See what he did there?  Funny.)  I notice "activist" is still one of the right's terms of contempt.  They much prefer passive journalists who don't ask questions.  Anyway, yadda yadda yadda, Trump proclaimed Prince Salman innocent and Jared got two billion petrodollars for his startup hedge fund, absolutely nothing to see here, the end.


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