Thursday, June 10, 2021

From the howls of Montezuma

 When we last met Greg Kelly of Newsmax and the United States Marines, he was sharing his discovery that Obama and Lee Oswald lived in the East 90s of Manhattan, some decades apart.  It's revelations like this that make Newsmax aficionados hunker down and hug their AK-47s a little closer.

It was no fluke.  Jarhead Greg is holding down the Twitter for Trump with some of the most surreal prose since Donald Barthelme.  Just today he advised that he loves Snoopy (the dog from Peanuts, you remember, cartoon strip by Charles Schulz who died twenty-one years ago).  All right, that's odd but kind of nice.  I liked Doonesbury but I rarely bring it up out of context.  But Greg isn't through:  a friend of his who always wore glasses got contact lenses and now he's angry and disoriented and "It takes me like SIX MONTHS to get used to the "new look" -- SOMEONE I know has just "ditched the shades" -- put them back on.  NOW!!"  All right, Greg, calm down (backing toward door).  But he is not through, SIR!


Yeah, who gave this so-called doctor permission to sit in the President's own chair and leaf through a binder?  Is she a G7 specialist like Princess Ivanka?  Not that Biden is the "REAL PRESIDENT" anyway, as we will all see in August.  What kind of classified material is she "reading"?  Is that even a "pen" or a COMPUTER for scanning the top-secret pages and sending them to her handlers in Beijing?  

Could be names of the spouses of G7 leaders with whom she has to make small talk.  Like Carrie Symonds, who she has never met as she has been Mrs. Boris Johnson for about two weeks.  Or Mariko Suga, whose husband has been prime minister of Japan only since October.  Cyril Ramaphosa will be a guest -- it would be nice if she could pick him out of a crowd.  Could Greg?  You call this "Helping 'Old Man Joe'"?  Well, yes.  It's why First Ladies are given their own staff.  

Right now, with Greg Kelly losing his shit because Jill Biden is reading a binder and Michael Flynn calling for a Myanmar-style coup, I'm starting to wonder if we still need a Marine Corps.  He goes on and on, his photo looking more demented:

This Marine got a mad on!  The "Stone Ballon PUB"  is actually the Stone Balloon Tavern and Concert Hall, opened by Jill and then-husband Bill Stevenson near the University of Delaware in 1972.  It hosted such acts as Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, and is the place where young Greg Kelly struck out with two waitresses and at least three customers, ALLEGEDLY.  Jill Stevenson was never a pole dancer there, as Kelly seems to be suggesting.  Maybe she shot him down, too.

Kelly will go HULKSMASH! when he sees this:

His employer, Newsmax, recently declined to hire Matt Gaetz.  So they do have some standards.



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