Wednesday, May 26, 2021

Little Twitlers

 Back when Sarah Palin was a thing I observed that it doesn't take much more than a pulse to be a successful governor.  I hate being right.  At this minute there are a couple dozen oxygen wasters holding down the job, which gives them the power of life and death over people, not to mention a national platform for their rantings.  Can it get worse?  You bet!  If Democrats don't vote next year like the future of the earth depends on it, it will.  A few exhibits:

Ammon Bundy of Malheur Wildlife Refuge fame has decided he can destroy the government faster from the inside and has filed to run for governor of Idaho.  A few problems, though -- the secretary of state says he's not a registered voter (a prerequisite) and he can't list himself as his campaign's treasurer.  Also, he's banned from the state capitol for a couple of violent altercations about mask-wearing (of course).  Bundy's chances will be improved if several Oregon counties get their wish to join up with Idaho, but it's not at all clear that the Anschluss could occur before the election.

From hero to not-quite zero, Andrew Cuomo has had a bad year, with the multiple accusations of sexual misconduct (not Anthony Bouchard or Matt Gaetz level but unacceptable for a Democrat); the charge that he underreported nursing home deaths in the state; and the revelation that he sought advice from his brother about public relations, which is somehow shocking.  Just when the future looked bleak help arrived from the unlikeliest of places, as Andrew Giuliani threw his MAGA hat in the ring.  You may remember him from such achievements as suing Duke University in federal court because the coach cut him from the golf team, and working as a "sports liaison" for four years in the Trump White House.  That's about two thousands Scaramuccis but it's still a featherbed job for Son of Rudolph.  Andrew, who is 35, claims he's spent "parts of five different decades of my life" in public service, and doubled down when challenged on the Trumpian arithmetic.  "I'm a politician out of the womb.  It's in my DNA," he added.  The owner of the womb, Donna Hanover (Mrs. Rudolph No. 2), was not available for comment.

A few days before the January coup attempt Mike Lindell told the Star Tribune he was "ninety to ninety-five percent" ready to run for governor of Minnesota.  A few weeks later, perhaps depressed by the Biden-Harris inauguration, he moaned to Axios, "Why would anybody want to run if they had the same machines with the election fraud?"  Last night he apparently decided he's already a governor and showed up at the Republican Governors Association annual fish fry, but was turned away.  He had credentials and everything (he says)!   Lindell wanted to confront Doug Ducey and Brian Kemp, who he believes are key to the plot to deny Trump a second, perpetual term.  Which will commence in August, when Mike marches into the Supreme Court and shows them his "evidence."  I have a feeling he won't get in there, either, unless it's on a tour.  Anyway, Minnesota,  the pillow's in your court.  I know you once elected Jesse Ventura but this is worse.

Caitlyn Jenner, American socialite (that's how Google identifies her) is running for governor of California in utter confusion.  She loves Trump's WALL but not enough to vote for him last year (she says).  She's one of the most famous transgender women on earth but doesn't think transgender girls should compete in girls' sports.  She promises to "crack down" on this year's Republican bogey-man Silicon Valley, California's economic powerhouse.  Most people know her as an adjunct to the Kardashians of reality TV infamy, but she doesn't want them involved in her campaign.  In short, she just doesn't like Gavin Newsom.  I don't believe that's enough.     



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