Sunday, April 04, 2021

Easter eggs

 If Coca-Cola opposes Georgia's vote-suppression law and Trump opposes Coca-Cola's opposition, what is he using to wash down his Big Macs?  

For reasons best known to itself, TCM is showing its April schedule in alphabetical order, from Adam's Rib to Z.  So the only seasonal film scheduled today is Easter Parade (looking forward to Ann Miller's tapping and Judy Garland's Gookie), and nothing with the original big orange face, Charlton Heston.  No multitudes being escorted out of Egypt with crummy special effects and risible music.  No crucifixion of Jeffrey Hunter, H.B. Warner or any other blue-eyed Nazarene.  Now if they'd just get through next March 17 without all the ten-ton blarney.

Speaking of musicals, I saw Dancing Lady (1933) and it's a miracle Fred Astaire ever had a movie career.  He has to dance with Joan Crawford, who dances like she's swimming against a strong current, in one of the worst production numbers you ever saw.  Franchot Tone is the Park Avenue playboy who bails her out of the workhouse and wants to make her his mistress, but she dumps him for Clark Gable as the director determined to put on a show against all odds (think Warner Baxter in 42nd Street).  It would be years before MGM figured out the musical as opposed to the operetta -- and Nelson Eddy pops up in this thing, too.  Crawford would go on to marry Tone and then replace him with Phillip Terry, best known for playing the incredibly understanding brother of Don Birnam in Lost Weekend.  Yes, I pretty much live in old movies.

Your favorite Christian President marked the most solemn day in the calendar with an extended aria about "election fraud" and "Radical Left crazies" that concluded, "Other than that, happy Easter!"  It's not quite as amusing as last year's "HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY TO ALL!" but still in The Onion territory in that you can't quite believe it's not a joke.   It's not a joke.

Other Florida residents are not having as good a day.  In Manatee County a reservoir holding 300 million gallons of toxic water from a derelict phosphate mine is leaking, and more than three hundred homes have already been evacuated.  But please tell us why two trillion dollars to patch up this country's infrastructure is excessive and probably communistic, Governor Braindead.

We're supposed to fear China, but China fears Oscar.  The People's Republic will not allow the ceremony to be shown live because Chloe Zhao, nominee for Best Director, might say something critical of the Chinese government, and also because Do Not Split, a short documentary about the Hong Kong democracy protests, is nominated in its category.  Evidently the powerhouse of Asia is as thin-skinned as Trump.  

Mike Huckabee thinks he's funny.  He has decided to "identify as Chinese" because -- go on, treat yourself.  While he was typing, an Asian couple in their seventies were attacked in Oakland by four men; their son defended them with a machete.  Ted Lieu called Shecky Huckabee "a shithead."

Shocking...the Trump campaign scammed millions of dollars from people who didn't read the small print and thought they were making a one-time donation.  I live through four gruesome years of Trumpery and I have no sympathy, even for the man with terminal cancer.  I only wonder what kind of elaborate crime he's currently engaged in.  Letitia James, where are you?

I overlooked Matt Gaetz's book when it was published last September, but it's flying off the remainder tables now.  Everyone is suddenly enthralled to discover the agenda that brought him to Washington:  "Getting paid and getting laid."  It's right there in print, with his name on the cover.  Be sure to check the index for "IDs, fake" and "Epstein, Jeffrey" before you spend your 99 cents.

I have to go.  Blogger is worse than usual and my fingers are sore.  Other than that, happy Easter!




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