Saturday, January 16, 2021

Relaxin' at Camarillo

 (Nothing to do with the great Parker, I just feel like I'm an inmate at one of those high-wall institutions.)

Trump continues to potter around the White House, probably in a bathrobe and golf shoes, continuing to do no "work" -- same as the last two months.  (Again, why do we need to transition?)  He has forbidden the handful of remaining staffers/keepers to use the N-word, Nixon.  That guy could afford to resign because his vice-president promised to pardon him.  Apparently no such promise has come from Mike Pence.  Strange how a narrow escape from a murderous mob can change a person.

One Trumpite who thinks we need still more transition is improbably uninformed Senator Tommy Tuberville from the great state of Alabama.  "We probably could have had a swearing-in and done an inauguration a little later on after we got this virus behind us a little bit," he told CBS-TV 42 in Birmingham.  "But again we're talking about Washington, D.C."  Coach doesn't care for Washington.  He also hasn't noticed that Trump had a year to get "this virus" behind us but it's worse than ever, which is why we desperately need a new administration.  Not surprisingly, the senator who can't name the three branches of gubmint doesn't know the Constitution specifies January 20.  Other than that, good choice, Alabama.

"The revolution will not be televised," said Gil Scott Heron hopefully.  But that was way back in 1971, before the internet was born.  Not only was the insurrection televised start to finish, it came with commercials.  Jenna Ryan of Frisco, Texas, traveled to Washington in a private jet and live-streamed her patriotic assault on Facebook with narration:  "Life or death, it doesn't matter.  Here we go.  Y'all know who to hire for your realtor, Jenna Ryan for your realtor."  She's surprised she got arrested.  I'm surprised she didn't have a catchy jingle.  Real estate is a cutthroat business.

I wonder if Jenna was among the patriots who nearly killed Michael Fanone, an undercover officer who rushed to the Capitol when he heard of the riot.  He was beaten, tasered repeatedly and robbed of his badge and radio.  Someone yelled, "Kill him with his own gun!" which might have happened had he not told them he had children.  At that point others stopped beating him with an American flag and protected him until help arrived.  When CNN asked what he would say to his rescuers he replied, "Thank you but fuck you for being there."  Many other "great men and women in blue" have similar stories of Kristalltag and I look forward to reading their testimony.  For example, Officer Christina Laury of the Metropolitan Police, who was sprayed with a substance designed to subdue bears.  Or Officer Daniel Hodges, crushed in a door by a rioter he describes as "practically foaming at the mouth."  Clearly a rabid Trump fan.

It must be unnerving for officers like these to know that some of their colleagues were unlocking gates and escorting the criminals in like visiting diplomats.  Or that urgent requests for National Guard assistance were refused by the Secretary of the Army, no less, because he didn't like the "optics" of armed troops inside the Capitol.  Or the growing evidence of collusion by members of Congress leading what Rep. Mikie Sherrill (D-NJ) called "reconnaissance tours" on January 5.  (For one example, Rep. Jim Clyburn described rioters ignoring the Majority Whip's office near the Rotunda and proceeding to his private third-floor office, which doesn't even have his name on the door.  Good guess, huh?)

What goes around comes around, and Iraqis must be bitterly amused to read that in advance of Biden's inauguration, Washington has its very own "Green Zone."  This is the post-Trump new normal:  a space safe from Y'all Qaeda or Vanilla ISIS where "the orderly transfer of power" can take place.  And it only requires more American troops than there are in Afghanistan.  How do you like them optics, Mr. Army Secretary?  Christopher Wray says the FBI is monitoring plans for more right-wing violence this week; we'll see if the Green Zone stays green.  

Now that he has resigned from the West Virginia House of Delegates, insurrectionist Derrick Evans will have more time to harass the clients of the only abortion clinic in the state, as well as Black and LGBTQ people generally.  And women.  He really has a problem with women.  Where was he when Trump was hiring?  Timing is everything, Derrick.  When your trial comes up, maybe you can get a selfie with...

Jacob Chansley, a/k/a Jake Angeli, a/k/a QAnon Shaman, a/k/a Yellowstone Wolf, a/k/a The Fool In the Fur and Facepaint.  Jake is the breakout star of the insurrection because, as Jack Nicholson observed while filming the very first Batman, "Sometimes you just have to let the costume do the acting."  His lawyer says he practices yoga and requires organic food; the unimpressed judge ordered him held without bail (probably should have left the spear at home).  When he gets hungry enough, he'll eat the bologna sandwiches like everyone else.  Jake thinks Trump owes him a pardon.  He should talk to Crystal Mason of Fort Worth.  She's serving five years because she didn't know she wasn't allowed to vote in Texas while on supervised release.  Forget it, Jake, it's the law and order party. 

And now apparently the Pity Party.  Republican freshmen who haven't been in town long enough to know the best places for Cuban food are getting up in the House all outraged because they have to wear Trumpandemic masks and pass through metal detectors.  Imagine!  Six-gun Lauren Boebert called "Bullcrap!" through a mask that said CENSORED, which is pretty much the opposite of what it means.  Millions of her fellow citizens have to clear the metal detectors to enter a courthouse, high school, museum, airplane or hospital every day; it's the price we pay (the smallest price) for living in a gun-crazed society.  If we brush the security guard aside we don't get fined by that "bitch" Nancy Pelosi -- we get damn well arrested and cavity-searched, or at least denied entry.  What planet do Gaetz, Jordan,  Gohmert, Cawthorne, Greene and the other entitled white people inhabit?  You want a free pass to bring your warm gun and your millions of viruses to the floor and menace your fellow Representatives?  Go the fuck home. 

And now it's time for my medication.  Nurse, I hope the gin is cold today.  



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