Thursday, January 14, 2021

Fallout keeps fallin' on their heads

 The FBI maintains a Terrorist Screening Database (TSDB) of thousands of potential troublemakers, mainly white supremacists.  It is supposed to be used as an "investigative and early warning tool."  According to the Washington Post "FBI agents visited a number of suspected extremists" and "advised" them against heading for Washington.  Some complied, and the rest apparently said, "The sixth?  Thanks, I hadn't heard!" and loaded up the car.  The FBI insists it had no reason to think the riot would be other than a peaceful protest, yet the Bureau of Prisons sent a hundred officers to help secure the Justice Department building, where nobody even showed up to sing "We Shall Overcome."  In short, the Trump-polluted FBI either dropped the ball or intentionally grounded it.

The Kushners were happy to accept free protection from the Secret Service but would not allow agents to use any of their six bathrooms.  At the bargain basement (literally) cost of $36,000 a year, a studio apartment had to be rented with a toilet suitable for The Help.  These are the agents Biden and Harris want around them, for they are bound to be (sorry) pissed off at all things Trump.

 The Secret Service may have to worry even more about Kamala Harris than about Barack Obama, and not only because Trump has spent the last four years empowering the racists.  "That Harris is not only Black, but also a woman and a daughter of immigrants, combine to make her a unique focus of racist and misogynistic animus -- a symbol of a changing America that white supremacists loathe to see," writes Chelsea Janes.  And because she chose not to have children, I'm sure they're already calling her a lesbian, if not a secret man (cf. Michelle Obama).  May as well put all your hate in one basket of deplorables.  Look at what WASPy Hillary Rodham Clinton still endures.

And what of the man of sorrows, the most harassed person in the history of the world, Your Favorite President?  I thought you'd never ask.  It's all spite and vengeance now.  Last night Lisa Montgomery was executed and today it's the turn of the northern spotted owl.  In a final "fuck you" to environmentalists, millions of acres in the Northwest will be opened to the timber industry.  He's mad at Mark Meadows, Jared Kushner and Kayleigh McEnany for not defending him enough, though it's not clear what more they could have done short of actual "trial by combat."  Speaking of which, it looks like Rudolph Giuliani is about to get stiffed like literally everyone else who ever worked for him:  Trump thinks $20,000 a day is exorbitant given Giuliani's record of failure, incompetence and buffoonery.  He's not wrong.  Giuliani should sue, if he can find a lawyer more skillful than Lin Wood, Sidney Powell or himself.  A lot of secure creditors ahead of him, but you never know.

Banned as he is from social media, Trump may not have heard this, but it's not going to help his mood:  there's an online petition to remove him digitally from Home Alone 2:  Lost In New York, his two-second appearance to be replaced by an older version of Macaulay Culkin or possibly Joe Biden.  Why not Hillary Clinton?

Not that Trump cares but his onetime doctor Harold "Bone Spurs" Bornstein has died at age 73.  He's the one who signed off on his draft-board disability and later described his health as "astonishingly excellent," which is the kind of language real doctors use about obese men with problem cholesterol.  They also don't object when goons show up and grab the patient's file.  Then they live to be 73.

There goes another $17 million a year!  New York City no longer wants the Trump Organization to manage the Central Park Carousel, two ice rinks and a golf course.  Suspecting that he is about to get blamed, Eric is already whining about "cancel culture," last year's most tiresome dog whistle.

Before it was "You're fired" by Amazon Web Services, Trump wanted to create an account on far-right platform Parler as "Person X."  (Not "Individual 1"?)  No doubt his calls to further violence would be distinguishable by their weird spellings and covfefe syntax.  But Evil Jeff Bezos has muzzled him again, leaving only the option of attacking Democrats through coded restaurant reviews on Yelp.  ("Low IQ Maxine's 'Guacamole' is disgusting!  Chinese Avocadoes will never overthrow our great Country!!!")

Lindsey Graham is back on the Trumptanic, at this point indicative of a possible brain injury.  He flew to Texas with Dear Leader and held his hand, and then he went to Hannity to rage against late-term impeachment:  "Why don't we impeach George Washington?  He owned slaves!"  Which unfortunately was legal in the 1790s, unlike sedition.

"Amtrak Joe" Biden would love to travel from Delaware to Washington as he has thousands of times, but there are just a few security concerns in this low point of our history.  Like Lincoln, he may have to slip into the city in disguise.  Lincoln took a lot of crap for that, but on April 14, 1865, it turned out he had made the right choice.

America desperately needs a hero and it appears to be Capitol Police Officer Eugene Goodman, who decoyed rioters away from the Senate chamber, getting them to follow him up a staircase.  (The prospect of assaulting a lone Black man was irresistible, I guess.)  He is being proposed for the Congressional Gold Medal, an award he won't have to share with the likes of Limbaugh and Meese.


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