Tuesday, August 18, 2020

Remember the ladies

This is the centenary of the Nineteenth Amendment, better known as "The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex."  Short, to the point, and less confusing than the previous one, which tried to get Americans to give up alcoholic beverages.  That didn't end well.

Here's how some of the boys chose to celebrate:

Marco Rubio dumped on Eva Longoria, who hosted the first night of the Democratic Virtual Convention:  "Brilliant move!  Nobody is more in touch with the challenges & obstacles faced by everyday Americans than actors & celebrities."  Many people pointed out the idiocy of attacking Longoria on behalf of a reality-TV "star," but the most savage comment was from Fred Guttenberg:  "My daughter was murdered in the state you represent because of the gun violence you fail to address.  This convention represents me & all others wanting leadership.  Real Americans."

Trump in Minnesota chose to sneer at Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern because 22 cases of covid were disgnosed in New Zealand this week, after over a month with none.  "They beat it, they beat it, it was like front-page news because they wanted to show me something!" he brayed, because Kiwi public health officials are always trying to make him look bad.  A lot more new cases were reported in places with real, male prime ministers like Italy and Sweden, but he didn't bring them up.  The United States had 40,022 new cases yesterday because we haven't slowed the testing down enough.

Of course, the main reason for the trip was to insult Rep. Ilhan Omar.  "How the hell did she win the primary?  She's a horrible woman who hates our country."  "Mail-in votes," yelled a helpful Trumpanzee.  What she needs is a male in, right, fellas?  Shut her up, hah?

Workmen unblocked a drain near Trump Tower and out squirted Rudolph Giuliani in the act of tweeting that "Big sign of Democrat trouble was Michele [sic] Obama deliberately not mentioning Kamala Harris" in her keynote speech.  Meee-oww!  Cat fight over here!  Or possibly she recorded the speech before Joe Biden chose Harris last week.  Rudolph was listening so intently for Harris's name that he didn't hear the Last Lady say this:  "If you think things cannot possibly get worse, trust me, they can; and they will if we don't make a change in this election." 

While Moscow Mitch and the gang drink juleps on the veranda, Madam Speaker is still at work, pushing a $25 billion postal service funding bill and scaring Louis DeJoy into promising not to fuck it up any worse than he already has.  Exactly how removing sorting machines and mailboxes was supposed to save money is not clear, but an enraged public and a proactive postal workers union apparently got someone's attention.  I wonder if anyone envisioned a female Speaker in 1920.

Trump didn't spend the whole day slandering Ilhan Omar and rage-tweeting about Michelle Obama's evisceration of him.  He told followers in Oshkosh, Wisconsin,  "We moved the capital of Israel to Jerusalem.  That's for the evangelicals," he added, surprised that they're more excited about it than "Jewish people."  I'm surprised, too -- I didn't realize we had the power to pick out capitals for other countries.  But evidently Zionism, not chronic unemployment, is issue number one in Oshkosh.

And then it was time to throw a bone to the "suburban housewives" he sees as the key to victory:  a full pardon for Susan B. Anthony on her conviction for attempting to vote in 1872.  "She was never pardoned, did you know that?  What took so long?" he asked of the woman he never heard of before today.  Anthony was pretty badass and she's dead -- just the way Trump likes troublesome women (and Black men like Jack Johnson).  I don't know all the facts, but Anthony was probably convicted of breaking New York law, since elections are the purview of the states, so she isn't really eligible for a presidential pardon.  I doubt she'd accept one, especially from someone accused of multiple rapes.  In other words, Donzo, you should fold your pardon into thirds and insert it in the pink mailbox. 


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