Thursday, August 13, 2020


(Thanks to Stephen Robinson at Wonkette for that sadly needed coinage.)

I hope someone cleaned the termites out of Trump's head before Kamala Harris moved in.  His obsession is now total.  Trump judges all women on appearance and fits people into ethnic categories, so he has no idea what to call a beautiful woman whose ancestry is Jamaican and Indian.  He fell back on "nasty," his one-size-fits-all for women who scare him.

This morning he started out with a few practice swings about Joe Scarborough's "ditzy airhead wife" Mika Brzezinski, "stone cold crazy" Nancy Pelosi and of course Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez ("not even a smart person...she goes out and she yaps").  Having nailed down the "suburban housewives" he believes will re-elect him, it was Kamala Time:  "a mad angry...such hatred for Justice Kavanaugh."  Not to mention "liberal" and "weak on facts."

As Trump walked back to the dugout leaving the bases loaded, the rest of Team Trump tried to rally.  Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO) declared Wall Street "delighted with Biden/Harris" while Ronna McDaniel (R-Thewholedamnparty) warned that she will abet "the radical socialists and anarchists."    The comedy team of Diamond and Silk turned up on WMAL radio to explain.  "Kamala is not even Black.  So you know when she talks about racism, that's why she don't care about it," said Silk.  "Somebody claimed that she's Asian American and then they're saying she's Indian.  I don't know what she is," added Diamond.  Baba-booey!  Meanwhile on Fox, Mark Levin was breaking the news that Harris is "not African American.  She is Indian and Jamaican."  A distinction without a difference, but white people like to announce this as definitive unless they're talking about Colin Powell, whose parents were also born in Jamaica.

But wait!  Harris may not even be American according to John C. Eastman, who published an op-ed in Newsweek debating (with himself) the meaning of "birthright citizenship" under the Fourteenth Amendment.  Eastman belongs to the Federalist Society, he used to clerk for Clarence Thomas and he ran for California attorney general in 2010, losing to the guy who lost to Kamala Harris, but I'm sure none of that affected his legal reasoning, or led to Newsweek having to publish a disclaimer.  (We're not birthers!  Why would you think that?)

Nobody ever worked harder for a pardon than Dinesh D'Souza, an authentic Indian.  (Expect to see a lot more of him and Nikki Haley over the next three months.)  He wasn't on Twitter to question the bona fides of Shyamala Gopalan, however, but to wonder about Donald Harris's complexion:  "If the Democrats want persons descended from slaves to receive reparations from those descended from slaveowners, how much should Kamala Harris have to pay?" See, because she is both, probably!  For him I have two words:  Sally Hemings.  Millions of people are descended from both slaves and slaveowners.  It's called rape.  You remember -- it came up at the Kavanaugh hearing.  I can't believe Christopher Hitchens called you "smart."

Down to their last out, Team Trump had a surprise on the bench:  "Just in case you thought Biden's candidacy was going to be anything other than completely nuts, team Trump has released a new video," said the tweet from Zombie Herman Cain.   Proof of life, sorry, it's just some friends keeping his account alive because so many people depend on knowing what Cain would have said about stuff if he wasn't dead.  I know I do.


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