Thursday, August 13, 2020


With 30 million unemployed and more than a hundred covid deaths a day, the Senate is on vacation until after Labor Day.  What are they, France?

The Biden-Harris campaign raised $26 million yesterday.  Sheldon Adelson should expect another panicky phone call.

NETFLIX COOPER!  Sarah Cooper's trumpantics on Tik-Tok got her a special on Netflix.  Must investigate!!

Trump is already claiming his Nobel Prize for "brokering" an exchange of ambassadors between Israel and the United Arab Emirates.  One hitch:  UAE says the deal will "suspend" further annexation of Palestinian territory and Israel says it won't. 

This morning Trump admitted to Maria Bartiromo that he wants to make voting by mail impossible.  Other people heard him say it.  There's video.

"My hair, I don't know about you but it has to be perfect.  Perfect."  Cardi B?  Justin Bieber?  Gavin Newsom?  It's Trump again, whining that there isn't enough water pressure for his daily shampoo-rinse-repeat.  Since that structure on his head requires at least a can of lacquer per day and regular applications of yellow dye, maybe the water is not the problem. 

Bob Woodward's new book Rage will finally share with a prurient world the "beautiful letters" Trump exchanged with Kim Jong-un.  Meanwhile Michael Cohen offered a taste of his forthcoming Disloyal, which portrays Trump as "a cheat, a liar, a fraud, a bully, a racist, a predator, a con man."  Yawn.  Get to the golden showers.

Kanye's been "running" again.  Kim needs to mash up his pills and put them in applesauce.

Yay, more methane in the atmosphere.  That'll show Obama.

Those protesters and their signs were more terrifying than we thought.  While Trump shat his diaper in the Leaderbunker, the Secret Service was calling in air strikes.  5/29 is the new 9/11.

Speaking of fecal discharge, Trump has unveiled his Official Derisive Nickname:  Phony Kamala.  Pathetic, right?  D+.  Too bad Joe Shapiro can't do this for you, Donzo.

Now that Georgia is poised to sent an actual Q Qrazy to Congress, I actually had to devote time and thought to this mess, neither of which I can spare.  I still think it began with a bunch of stoners watching Star Trek:  The Next Generation and wondering what if the Q Continuum was real?  When the others went out for snacks, one of them began writing on Twitface about an almighty Q who is waiting for the right moment to Make the Galaxy Great Again.  It was back in the era of Hillary's Slave Colony on Mars so he put that in.  His friends thought it was awesome, but not everyone got the joke.  Some deeply stupid people took it seriously and it went viral.  Before long it got away from them and now...I mean, has anyone else noticed that it's just another version of the twelfth-century Blood Libel?  Only instead of Jews and the blood of Christian children it's Hollywood celebrities and Democrats (some of whom are Jews) using baby glands for some fell purpose.  Also echoes of the Protocols (early twentieth century) with its world-wide conspiracy to something-or-other.  With some effort I feel like I can work in Freemasons and Prester John but seriously, who gives a damn?  Why don't I just take the rest of August off like the fucking Senate? 

Hugh Downs was the Lindbergh baby.  My cousin's oral hygienist saw the long-form birth certificate.


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