Wednesday, March 11, 2020

Scorched earth

Senator Ron Johnson (R-Trumpsbutt) was all set to launch the thirty-fourth investigation into Burisma (the Ukrainian gas company) and Hunter Biden (the Democratic front-runner's son).  The first thirty-three failed to uncover any criminal actions, but last I heard they were still "investigating" Hillary's emails, and probably trying to prove FDR had advance warning of Pearl Harbor.  Then Tim O'Brien -- not the author of Going After Cacciato but the adviser to the late Bloomberg campaign -- went on Joy Reid's show to warn that his boss was prepared to spend Bloomberg amounts of cash investigating the sleazier business dealings of the Trumpenspawn since Daddy moved into the White House.  Suddenly Johnson remembered some loose details he needed to nail down first.  Suddenly the Democrats had their own personal Robert Mercer.  If money is going to shout in American politics, it might as well shout for the good guys.

I'm pretty sure Burisma put HB on the board of directors at least partly because JB was vice-president at the time.  I'm equally sure Princess Ivanka got all those Chinese trademarks because of Daddy, not because she's so much more qualified than any other "entrepreneur."  If this is what it takes to slap the word "nepotism" out of her brain-dead brother's mouth, I am also comfortable.  Hell, let's set up a debate between Dr. Jill and the First Escort right now.   Scorch the earth.

Speaking of Bloomberg, documents unsealed in the Weinstein case reveal that he was approached by the rapey producer for help in holding on to the Weinstein Company.  Also that the National Inquirer (Roger Stone's old nest of vipers) told him of an impending story about assaulting Jennifer Aniston, eliciting the response "Jen Aniston should be killed."  She denies the assault.  Weinstein got the max today, twenty-three years.  (Old joke:  "Your honor, I can't do twenty-three years."  Judge:  "Do as much as you can.")  This is not over.  American criminal actions are never over while money and celebrity abide.

Bizzle Osikoya, our name of the week, is described as a Nigerian music and entertainment developer who is telling his Twitter followers the secret of surviving Coronavirus -- masturbation and cocaine.  Better for you than drinking bleach and lots more fun.  Not a cure, alas.

Naomi Campbell is taking no chances.  She arrived at LAX in full hazmat gear, having first alerted photographers who otherwise might not have recognized her.  Meanwhile, over at "America's Got Talent" -- oh, read it, I'm tired of these people.

My project for the rest of this year is to listen to everything Beethoven wrote in honor of his 250th birthday (December 16).  I need this.


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