Sunday, March 08, 2020

March madness

It's time to panic.

In Europe, sporting events are being cancelled, postponed, or played in empty stadia, and it's conceivable the same thing could happen to this country's annual college basketball extravaganza.  LeBron James says he just won't play for empty seats, and baseball season is approaching.  Americans have a passionate relationship with their sports.  Additionally, they spend billions of dollars on tickets they may not be able to use.  Can we as a nation survive?  Let's go to the phones.  Vinnie from Bayside!

While Vinnie turns down his radio, let's look to the one place where nobody is bothered by some silly Chinese flu.  Of course, it's the White House, where the First Escort and "genius visa" recipient recently broke ground for a Tennis Pavilion on the South Lawn.  Her love of the game is, uh, well known?  Somewhat known?  Anyway, it has nothing to do with obliterating the basketball court recently used by a president who didn't get winded rising from a chair.  (I'm constantly reminded of the pharaoh who spent his entire reign destroying all inscriptions and monuments of his hated predecessor.)  The structure will be clad in limestone with a copper roof -- no tackier than a typical Trump hotel -- rising to a height of eighteen feet.  Most people are satisfied with a tennis court, but this one can be air-conditioned.  It's probably just as well that We the People didn't get the bill for a retractable roof like the one at Wimbledon.

And of course the haters have taken to Twitter with their snide remarks, just because the country's public health response team was sabotaged by then-National Security adviser (and now official enemy of the people) John Bolton back in 2018.  How was he supposed to know it would be desperately needed?  The money he saved helped pay for corporate tax cuts (and WALL), with plenty left over for a spiffy new Tennis Pavilion.   Probably with a Presidential Box.  

Anyway, if you think this is a nifty morale booster we can all enjoy, drop Melania a note.  She works so hard being the most beautiful, classy FLOTUS of all time.  



Blogger The New York Crank said...

Oh please! Let's be practical. The tennis pavilion adds to the property value of the White House, thus increasing the return to taxpayers on the investment we made in the property through our income taxes.

Or something.

At any rate, when the property is sold in a sure-to-be coming bankruptcy auction, it will bring in significantly more than it would without a tennis court. I'm amazed the current residents haven't also installed an outdoor swimming pool and renamed the building The Trumphouse to further increase its value.

Yours very crankily,
The New York Crank

P.S. I find the graphic dig at Melania completely lacking in credibility. Only $300 for anal? Come on! Does she have a giant wart down there or something?

8:17 AM  

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