As the most miserable presidential campaign in US history shudders to a close, someone decided that we could use a good laugh. And so Trump spokesmodel Scottie Nell Hughes was sent forth to complain about Jay-Z, who performed at a Clinton event in Ohio over the weekend. Specifically, she objected to a video in which someone can be seen throwing a "Mazel tov cocktail" at police. I haven't laughed so hard since Michele Bachmann attempted to pronounce "chutzpah." Of course, Ms. Hughes looks like Sarah Palin if she put on a blonde wig, lost the glasses and went all-in on mascara, so who knows? Folks of a certain age undoubtedly thought of Gilda Radner's Emily Litella. This made us happier than considering the grim implications of a campaign which has made anti-Semitism bloom like red algae. Grimmer still, two police officers were murdered in Des Moines last week, allegedly by a man who had been ejected from a football game for waving a Confederate flag. (Like most white Christian terrorists he was found to have mental problems and hospitalized -- complete with room service, as Trump would say.)
Let's see, what else? There was the big Trump "assassination attempt," when a man armed with a "Republicans against Trump" sign invaded a rally in Reno and was attacked, physically, by the mob. Trump was put at greater risk by the Secret Service, who hustled him away after someone yelled, "Gun!" It's dangerous to make a fat old man move that fast. The day before, President Obama had given a superb lesson in how to deal with a protester at his rally, quieting the booing crowd and urging respect for the right of free speech. What a wimp. Nobody respects him, not Putin, not Kim, not Duterte. Yet I just saw a poll where 49 percent of Americans said they would vote for Obama if he were allowed a third term. All polls are rigged.
An actual case of voter fraud has been identified! A woman in Iowa tried to vote twice, after the voices in her head told her that her vote (for Trump, of course) would automatically be changed to one for Clinton.
Every responsible poll shows Clinton ahead -- I don't believe it will be close -- and the stock market is rebounding with relief. The capitalists don't have much use for Donnie Deadbeat and his tax cuts for the rich. Curious.
Janet Reno has died at 78. I'm sorry she won't see the first woman president. I hope she voted.
This madness can't end soon enough for fans of Keith Olbermann, whose commentary at the GQ website (available on YouTube) has grown angrier and more strident, causing us to worry about his blood pressure. Today's episode features an unprecedented number of f-bombs. Keith, lie on a beach, join a yoga class, breathe,
man. It's over and you helped us get through it.
MSNBC has decided we need a crawl listing all presidents and their dates. CNN is calling its show "Election Night In America," unavoidably invoking the longer-running "Hockey Night In Canada." Meanwhile, no American media outlet has done anything as good as the Toronto Star's interactive Database of Trump Falsehoods
(polite Canadian term for lies). Check it out, it's awesome.